Gracefully Frank

I watched a lot of Sri Lanka pass from view from the front seat of a rented van. We walked from the plane to the van, and then rode the first of many, many hours we would spend in that van. When we arrived at our first destination I was really ready to be still, and really thankful the 41 hours that had passed since we left Dallas had been successfully navigated.

My room for the night had air-conditioning, a pink mosquito net over my bed, a few geckos and good pillows. I slept with the lights on, and only sporadically, but woke up ready for the next road trip to attend a grand opening of a Hope Center. It was such a blessing to see the hard work, and excitement in the faces of our friends there as they are giving their all to bring Hope and help to their community. Help with the anger, fear and frustration they’ve lived with for so many years. As we left that day, I realized there was a song running through my mind. I knew it was a Mumford & Sons song, but I didn’t recognize which one. I didn’t know the words, but I could hear the slow melody over and over.

I finally plugged in my ear phones, only in my left ear so I wasn’t rude to my friends, and I started searching through Babel to find the song. I didn’t find it. So I went to Sign No More, and finally, when the last song on the album began to play the melody running through my mind began to play. For the entire week, I listened to this song on repeat. Over and over. I wrote the words down in my journal as I rode to and from 5 more Hope Centers from the north to the south. I watched and listened. God speaks any way he wants to... we just have to be listening.

"After The Storm"

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

The van would occasionally stop. We would occasionally get out. Walk into another Hope Center, or walk into the next Hotel, or into the home of our friends where a meal had been prepared for us. And, we would have another opportunity to listen.

As I listened to the testimony, of people I have begun to love, I heard them tell of running from camp where bombs rained down, and how they cried out to God to save them and the children they carried…and He did, this song ran through my mind. "On my knees, and out of luck…I look up."

When I tried to understand the reality of the “hill” they have gotten over, and saw what they have found: "grace in their hearts," this song ran through my mind.

As they would line up for pictures and prayer together, they stood tall, side by side, purposeful, hopeful…and this song ran through my mind.

As I heard of how afraid they were, how broken hearted they had been, how hopeless; contrasted to the smiles, purpose and love the Hope Center staff were pouring out because God has poured it into them, this song ran through my mind. “And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears, and Love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.” "We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love., 1 John 4:16-18

Love dismisses fears, and "night has always pushed up day." A couple of things I was tragically and beautifully reminded of in Sri Lanka. Same thing He's done for me, same thing He'll do for you after your storm...out of luck...look up.

Here are some pictures, both out of the window, and out of the van. Maybe you would like to listen to the song as you look at the pictures. I like to. Click Here To Listen To "After The Storm".

Song Credits: Writer(s): Edward James Milton Dwane, Marcus Oliver Johnstone Mumford, Benjamin Walter David Lovett, Winston Aubrey Aladar Marshall
Copyright: Universal Music Publishing Ltd.

Photo Credit: The Man on the Elephant in Parade. My boss took that one. :)

I'm going to try and not mention Mumford & Sons in my next blog. But, I can't promise anything.

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I’m listening to Timshel as I begin to write this. Still basking a little in the memory of listening to Mumford & Sons sing this song, and all of my other favorites, live on Saturday night. Standing again by friends I love to stand by, and I love to have stand by me. We weren’t the only ones there, or the only ones who knew every word. I’ve never been a big concert goer; crowded, hot, loud, expensive and maybe I didn’t care about the music as much (Sorry George Strait) …but Saturday night was a little mini-revolution for me. I gave into the heat, the sweat, the crowd, the noise. I shucked unnecessary inhibitions I’ve probably always put on myself, and I kind of sang and danced my guts out. I love that music. And it was awesome. I don’t know if it was the red dirt, or my singing, but it’s been 3 days now and I’m still hoarse. It’s so fun to think through the M&S lyrics and pick out what they might mean. I like to listen to Timshel, well anytime, but especially before I leave for a trip. I listened to it a lot before India. Saturday night I heard them sing it live, before I left for Sri Lanka this morning. It’s a great reminder, and especially meaningful considering the meaning of the word Timshel.

Me and my niece Jordan. She was there with some friends, too.

When they went acoustic I almost lost my mind. They were great.

Aisle seat 23 C is where I sit to ride across the sky to Dubai. I know I don’t have to be sitting in a window seat for God to be able to see me and remember we’re flying today. And, I don’t have to be sitting there to see Him. I like to though. I love looking at the land, clouds, and ocean we fly over. That’s an awesome show, too. The first movie I watched was To Kill A Mockingbird. It had been years since I had seen it. I didn’t really remember how it all wound up. The scene where the jury finds Tom Robinson guilty, and after the lower section of the courtroom clears the old preacher says “Stand up Scout, you’re Daddy’s passing by.” I cried. Man it’s really a good movie, from beginning to end good. Then I watched The Great Gatsby. Eh. Then I watched Monsters U. Not as good as the first. Then I watched The Quartet. Ok. And that concludes my inflight movie reviews. I’ve got 26 more hours’ worth of flying before this trip is over, so I may mention a few others.

I’m in my hotel room in Dubai now. I took a 3 hour nap, then went down to buy another $6 USD coffee. I hate that so much, but I really wanted coffee. I slept probably 3 hours total on the flight, during a couple of different naps. It’s 6:00pm Dubai time, but my body and mind are saying "it’s 9:00 am and you have not had the amount of sleep you were supposed to have." Somehow it all works out though. This coffee helps. I’m getting ready to shower up, and meet my co-workers Phil and Jack for dinner at 10:00pm before our midnight flight to Colombo. When we get to Sri Lanka we’ll jump in a van and head north for a most of the day road trip. One fun new development in my life is car sickness. I’ve got Dramamine and those little acupuncture wrist thingys my friend told me about, and a couple of Wal-Mart sacks stuffed in my carryon. I hope I’m not more trouble than I’m worth…they may have to let me drive. ;)

There are many aspects of these trips; everything that goes into them, and everything God is doing through them. Thanks for following this very personal aspect of all that God is doing for me in them. He is setting me free of fear and unnecessary inhibitions, one song, one concert, one trip at a time. And all I know to do is share it, share Him, share the story. He is faithful. Paul prayed this for the Thessalonians, and I’ve had it on a little notecard stuck in my keyboard for well over a year. It's my prayer as I begin this new work: “…that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by His power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.” Amen, and yes, Paul. 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12. I pray God make me worthy, and fulfills through His power every work prompted by the faith he keeps increasing in me. I love how that works.

I’ve got a postcard to write now. I had a request for them. Turns out the same place that charges $6 USD for a cup of coffee, only charges $2 for the postcard and stamp to mail all the way back to America. I never even thought to consider postcards from other countries before. The world seemed so huge that how could one ever anticipate a little postcard making it all the way from here, to all the way there? But, apparently just because something seems far away, doesn’t mean it is. We’ll see.

So, just as I finished typing the last word...Timshel came on again. Timing is fun to take note of. I was just going to end it with "we'll see." But, it's come on again, so let's look at Timshel for a second. And, let me go ahead and name this post...

Here is a great version of this song. Click here and you get to hear it live too. Munford & Sons -Timshel

I had never heard the word Timshel before this song. So if you hadn't either, let me share a little bit about it. Post Google Definition of Timshel (There are probably more scholarly sources, but I just copied and pasted one that was pretty direct): "Timshel is an interpretation of the Hebrew word that means 'thou mayest.' It is a brief explanation of the philosophical notion of Free Will." Free Will. "Thou mayest" choose..." We may choose God, or choose not God. We may choose to believe, or choose not to believe. We may choose faith, or choose only what we see with our eyes. We may choose fear, or choose to stand firm (or say yes, or fly, or...). Our choice does not change truth, it only changes our consequences. Timshel. I love this music. I love this freedom. I love this Choice.

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(Sometimes as we look at where we are today, it's good to remember where we once were so we can celebrate and report on God's faithfulness. I can tell you he is faithful, because of personal experience of times he called me into a wilderness of unknowns and led me to his promise. I first wrote this post on September 3, 2013 soon after I was offered my role in international ministry. God was gracious to confirm the decision so that I had complete confidence in him, even when my confidence in myself wasn't so sure.)

I sat down to write about what is going on and it fell out like this. The numbers are links for you to click on...

Once upon a time there was a little girl who never dreamed of going anywhere. She liked where she was. She didn’t like everything about where she was, but she certainly didn’t want to be anywhere else. She had grown up believing in the King who had come to save her 1, and she tried her best to honor him. But one day, when she hadn't been paying much attention to him at all, and was actually right in the middle of denying him 2, he began calling to her 3. She had believed in him before, but this time she chose to follow him with her whole heart. He asked her to come away with him, so she went 4. While there, he showed her that he was the King of Everywhere 5. She thought she had known that all along, but she realized she wasn’t really going the way she should go, if that was what she truly believed 6. He showed her that there was nowhere she could ever go where he wasn’t there, waiting on her 7. And that he had loved her and had taken care of her all along, because He had plans for her 8. He became her shelter and protector 9. Sometimes he led her through a wilderness to humble and test her, and provided her manna when there was nothing else 10. He would send her rain when she prayed for it 11. He would make his face to shine upon her 12. He counted her tears and comforted her when news of loved ones from home made her cry 13. He strengthened her, dealt bountifully with her and gave her rest 14, 15. When she lifted her eyes to the hills she could always see him there 16. In the morning he reminded her that he loved her, and told her the way she should go because she trusted him 17. Where he went, she went. His people were her people 18. If she had been longing to return to the land from which she had come, she could have gone. But, she stayed with him in the new land and he was proud of her 19. When she told him her foot was slipping he supported her; and when her anxiety was great, he consoled her and gave her joy 20. When she put her hope in him, he taught her the paths she should take and her heart was not sick 21, 22. When there were giants he gave her stones to sling 23. When there were words to be said he placed them on her tongue 24. When there were journeys to take he lit her path by day and by night 25. He did all of this because she was weak, but he was strong 26. He saved her, quieted her and sang over her 27. He gave her a new heart and courage 28, 29. Then he led her on a new path, lighting the way as he smoothed the road ahead of her 30.

That is who Jesus is.

Through God’s word we come to know his character. Each of the verses used through this story are written on little cards on my desk. I’ve leaned on them to remind me of who God is, when all I can feel is who I am not. The Bible tells the literal stories of Israel and Jesus Christ, to teach us who God is, and who we are. He wants us to know Him. He wants us to trust Him when He tells us He has a plan for us, and to go where He sends us.

Which next week, will be back to Sri Lanka. Last month I accepted a new position at Hope For The Heart in our International Department. Guess what that means. A big part will be travel. Which if you read this blog, you know is not my strong suit. My literal job now is to daily accept that His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness. To daily call out to him, and have to trust him beyond my own perceived strengths. What an uncomfortable and perfect gift. “What are you the worst at Haley?” “Fear.” “Well, let’s do that then. My love will cast it out. And I’m going to prove myself to you and through you. You can say no. You can always say no and run your own show, you did it that way for a long time. I'll bless you. You'll have some of what you want, and some of what I'll allow to shape you into who I created you to be...but, as Creator of all heavens and earth...my plans for you will be better. And, you can start today. I heard you cry out for me. I'm here. I've always been here. I know it doesn't look like you thought. I know your concerns, Haley. So, is it a yes, or a no?" "It's a yes." "Ok, then. I will equip you. I am making you new. You are not who you were, so quit telling yourself you are." (this is a condensed representation, not recreation, of an ongoing conversation in my faith walk with God.)

Since the beginning of the year I have felt confident that things were changing. I have believed and shared with friends that I felt by this Fall I would have some clarity on a new direction. I’ve had a few thoughts on what those changes might be (I always do, and thanks to those who listened to me dream and pursue and wonder). I’ve taken some steps, done what I believe God has shown me to do in regards to those things and trust him with all outcomes. Love unconditionally. Reach out when He shows me. Say yes when he prompts me. Go where He sends me. Stay loose, hopeful and sure in Him only. Months ago I noticed I was consistently catching the time "8:16" either AM or PM on my phone, microwave clock, clocks at work, clocks on computers. At first I thought I was just realizing that I noticed it more because it is mom and dad’s address is 816 and they had just put their house on the market. So it was just registering to me. But, it kept going, to the point that it was getting comical. Like on Evan Almighty and Gen 6:14, I was seeing 8:16 constantly. So, I looked up all the books in the Bible that have a chapter 8, verse 16 and one pierced my heart. Deuteronomy 8:16, “He who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end.” I can’t really explain all the ways that verse is a direct hit for me. Manna has been a big part of my life, taking on many forms, since going back to school. Humbling and testing…let me count the ways (even today.) But, the line ”to do you good in the end." That was a promise God gave me before I left Tulsa, one particularly difficult day as I was grappling with the plans He was showing me to leave there and go to Seminary. He does me good daily, but I knew when I left Tulsa and when I read this verse again for the first time earlier this summer, that God was up to something specific. I shared this 8:16 business with a few friends and a few of my family members earlier this summer and we have laughed about what it might mean beyond knowing God was encouraging me with Deuteronomy 8:16.

When I was first approached about this new job, I was so surprised at the option of it, and honestly I wasn’t really sure. My heart was still in a couple of directions that I had been feeling God opening me to. One direction, was back to Oklahoma. But, as July drew to a close, I began to believe God may be leading me to stay right where I was. Deep breath. He was calling me to this plan in particular through others, through His word and through the Holy Spirit. The time frame was unknown. I went from hearing, “Maybe, January,” to “Things seem to be moving fast.” All of a sudden, after a couple of weeks of not hearing anything, on a Thursday I got a meeting request e-mail asking if I could meet with my new boss and our HR director the next day, Friday, 8-16-13. I was offered this new position on 816. They had no idea the significance of the numbers. But, I did. I hadn’t specifically asked for a fleece moment, but God is so gracious and responds to our needs so personally. I’m thankful he had been preparing me to be confident in this direction for months. This is His plan. And as I’m learning…His plans are better than mine. His timing is better than mine. He will do what He says He will do. And all we have to do is say “yes.”

He is faithful and trustworthy, and fun. Have you truly sought him for His plans for you? His plans for you in the next conversation you will have, decision you will make, prayer you will utter? He loves you. He's been there all along, and when you call on Him, he will come running. It may not look like you ask, or it may look exactly like you ask. His plans for all of us are tailored to us. My story won't be yours. But, God's character and faithfulness to you will be the same for all of us who come to Him through following the King. King Jesus. What is your story? Maybe take a minute today to think about where you are with him now, and where he may be leading you next. If he has led you to a wilderness, the path is leading to his promise.

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I’ve always leaned a little toward scrambled eggs. I like mine with ketchup. I like fried eggs about as often as I like shrimp: once or twice a year. Today it’s raining. I love that; and breakfast for lunch at Angela’s, formerly known as Daisy’s, sounded delightful. I use that word sparingly. But, delightful for me can equal writing a little, walking in the rain a little, people watching a little, and just enjoying a little. Today turned out to be a fried egg day. Mostly I only like fried eggs that were made at Wrangle Heights or my mom’s kitchen. They always knew what I meant when I said “not very runny.” That doesn’t communicate as easily to waiters who didn't grow up with me, and aren't as invested in nurturing me. My waiter didn’t punch me when I said “not very runny” (lucky for him, because I'm Irish) but I think I got a little bit of a “what does that mean” look. He probably would rather I be able to articulate what I really want. So I googled “how to order a fried egg.” Here is what I learned. (P.S. in advance: We don’t have shirred eggs where I come from.)

Over Easy – A fried egg that is flipped and cooked yolk side down only long enough to create a film over the top of the yolk, leaving the center of the yolk liquid.

Over Medium – A fried egg flipped, unbroken yolk, yolk cooked to have a firm but wet-appearing center.

Over Hard – A fried egg that is flipped and cooked yolk side down until the yolk has completely cooked through.

Poached – Eggs that have been removed from their shell and then cooked in a hot liquid. The cooking liquid can be water, broth, or any sauce. Poaching in water is often used as a way to cook eggs without having to use extra fat. Poaching in broth or sauce adds flavor to the cooked egg.

Scrambled – Raw egg whites and yolks are beaten together and then cooked in a skillet. The beaten egg mixture is gently agitated as it sets to create a curdled texture.

Shirred – Eggs that have been baked in a ramekin (sometimes with butter, cream or other sauces) until the whites have set but the yolk is still liquid.

Sunny Side Up – A fried egg that is never flipped or cooked yolk side down. The whites cook until completely or partially set while the yolk remains liquid.

I learn so much writing this blog. Moral to the story: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. People don’t necessarily know your familial dialect, or what you’re thinking. If you don’t have the main-stream vocabulary to say what you mean…maybe google it. Fortunately, my waiter today speaks Wrangle Heights, and “not very runny” brought me back a perfect fried egg. He also brought me bacon, when I clearly spoke the word "sausage." It’s not a perfect system. However, even saying it the wrong way is better than saying nothing at all. If I had just stared at him when he came to take my order, I wouldn’t have gotten any eggs, or bacon. Next time I’ll know to say over-medium.

Yesterday, I found myself across the table again from a friend I’ve loved for over 15 years. We had a cold drink, some nachos to share, old times and new times to discuss, and then when we didn’t think we could get any happier a Brooks And Dunn song from back in our day came on in the restaurant. We had to just stop for a second and bask in the moment. Nearly giddy. Apparently, we are pretty easy to please. Sherman, TX is a halfway point for us to meet. I don’t think either of us ever expected that would be the case. But, it has become our place. Her husband and three kids are so great to let her have that time away. Thanks Kenny. :) I know I’m a better person for it. We went from place to place for hours just talking. Talking about what God is doing in our lives, the ministries he has given us, how faithful he is to guide us (even when we weren’t asking him to), and how good he is to carry us up the mountains we may not have the strength or understanding to climb ourselves. Before the night was over there was a little ice cream, a little coffee, and little browsing, a lot of laughing, a little crying. She is always worth the drive, worth the effort to find the vocabulary to say what I mean, and mean what I say. Hopefully, vice versa. Good friends help us sort through tangles, and find our words. Good friends > Google. We may come up with the wrong answer, but at least we'll be on the same page, together.

I don’t write a food blog, or a counseling blog, or a devotional blog, or travel blog, or mommy blog, coupon blog, photography blog, fashion blog (although, I could write a jean skirt blog, anyone?), or music blog, politics blog, or even always grammatically correct blog. But, if you smash all of that together and run it through a blender (or a ringer whichever you prefer), and you add a dash of tmi, suspense, joy, love, memories, friendship, hope and thankfulness for God’s grace then you have this blog…I think. It’s kind of muckeldy dunn. You don’t know what that means? In my family I think it means kind of a mish mash. Don’t know what that means? Maybe, Google it. Those are the only words I have . Or, meet me for coffee and we can talk about it. Good friends > Google.

All that to say: Here is a little musical part of this blog. The Decemberists. Everyone else may already know about them, but I didn’t. And, I love them. Everyone has different musical tastes, but if you've liked any of the music I've mentioned before, you may like The Decemberists, and I think they are worth sharing. Here is a playlist of their music that I really, really enjoy listening to. Especially, on rainy Sunday afternoons, when I get to write a little, and have a little breakfast for lunch at my favorite neighborhood diner. Think "indie folk" according to the world wide web. I hear a twinge of Ireland, but maybe that’s just my ears. I tend to listen for Ireland. Whatever it is, I like it.

The Decemberisits:
Don’t Carry It All Click Here To Listen

Rox In The Box

Down By The Water

The Crane Wife 3 Click Here To Listen

Calamity Song

This Is Why We Fight

June Hymn

January Hymn

Sons & Daughters

Rise To Me Click Here To Listen

I hope this blog leaves you with a little more confidence to order your egg fried, in case like me, that was a confidence you were lacking. I hope this blog leaves you thinking of a friend you want to spend some time with, and that you do it. And, I hope this blog leaves you with a few new songs to enjoy.

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Time is on my writing’s nemesis list. So, I’m not a daily or weekly blogger. But, when something sparks and I have a recurring thought that keeps nagging to be typed out, all of a sudden time is defeated and like tonight, I find myself sitting here with some of it on my side…listening to Ingrid Michaelson and The Lumineers and typing. I can’t write to Mumford and Sons. I get too excited. I can get a little distracted listening to the lyrics I’m listening to now, but they are about love and relationships and that goes along with this nagging thing I want to write about. So here we go… love and relationships.

Even if you recognize the first few words in the picture below...go ahead and read it all the way through slowly. Think about what these words mean. They aren't just pretty words. They are directions. They are the way to love. To reach love. To recognize love. To do love.

(1 Corinthians 13:4–8)

Over the last few months I have used one very important contrast list from HFTH resources in counseling. It's a practical list that helps us recognize the difference between love and lust. Most often the context is a romantic relationship when we speak about this difference, but aside from passion the lists can apply to any relationship because we are called to love one another, deeply, from a pure heart (1 Peter 1:22). The difference between love and lust is the difference between selfish and selfless; between fleeting and forever. Temporary and Enduring (as you'll read below). God's word is a life map for us. And the lists below are one way to consider "am I applying God's word, in particular 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, to my actions? or do I just know the verses?" This is the difference between head-knowledge and a heart change that brings freedom and grace into our lives, and in the case of this verse love; and how we break out of the same recurring defeating patterns we've always walked through. I love helping people walk through sinking His word into their hearts. I am broken and so thankful when it sinks into mine.

As you read the lists below, think about relationships you look back on and miss, relationships you are in, relationships you want to be in…

Lust Is:	Love Is:
Temporary Sudden Untrustworthy Impatient Faithless Uncontrolled desire Emotionally shallow Based on fantasy Full of emotion Driven by one's passion Focused on external looks Established on faulty reasoning Set on getting happiness Eager to get	Enduring Gradual Unselfish Trustworthy Patient Faithful Controlled desire Emotionally deep Based on reality Full of devotion Chosen by one's will Focused on internal character Established on solid reasoning Set on giving happiness Eager to give

What list do your relationships fall under? 1) Your past relationships that somehow seem to have grown in romance and melancholy the further you are from them. What list were they truly under? 2) Your current relationships that are either chemically charged with a touch of chaos (things that aren’t considered good in any other realm of existence, except roller coasters) or calm. 3) The relationships you may want and the vision you have of them. What list do they fall under? The thing is we all get to choose. But, hopefully we choose with full disclosure of what we are choosing. (Recognizing we have choices seems to be a recurring theme with me) According to 1 Corinthians Love Is….not what many times we look for to indicate love, that are often found in the first list: sudden, uncontrolled desire, eager to get. We can’t say we want love, and operate out of lust because they are not the same thing. It’s like saying I want to go to California, and then driving east because you see bright lights. You are still on a trip with some exciting stops along the way, but you are going to end up in New Jersey…and ain’t nobody got time for that. So with these lists in mind, what should you let go of or hold on to, if loving well is your goal? Remember, you get to choose. You cannot choose for someone else, but you can choose for yourself. And it's not all about what you are willing to give, you also get to consider what you are being given (ladies), and trust God with your future instead of just trying to make the present work.

That being typed...if we want love, we have to operate in love and be patient. Kind. Not envious of the other, or showy, or not humble. If it’s love that we want to give and receive, we can’t be rude, or be thinking about what am I getting out of this?. Because love doesn't do those things; not through you, or to you. We can’t keep track of hurts and bring them back up to win a battle down the road. We don’t get to be glad when the other is brought low, but rather so grateful when truth creeps into their life even in painful ways. We have to protect. Always Hope and never give up...without counting the cost.

We can’t feed on or off of one another for our own benefit, but nourish each other and experience the fruit of that together. We can’t love who we want someone to be. That’s fantasy. When it is truly love, we get to love them for who they are, where they are…just as Christ does. While spurring them on as their identity is being conformed to the image of Him...just as the Holy Spirit does. Whether it's our Beloved, our child, our friend.

Temporary or enduring? The temporary doesn’t truly lead to the enduring. It can lead to resignation and even commitment, but the frustrations/dysfunctions of being built on the temporary don't go away until the relationship is redeemed through Christ, who is Love, and teaches us to love. Unconditionally. Not co-dependently. Not manipulatively. Not desperately. Just unconditionally. Freely. Graciously. It is never too late to grow love, even years into a relationship that may be founded on something else. True love leads to deep devotion to one another, desire for each other, and joy in each other. It is patient, trustworthy, devoted, and good, even in the midst of bad.

As we work through this list some have realized they are still watching for indications from the first list to prove love. They don’t trust what they don’t recognize: patient, controlled, focused on their internal character, eager to give to them and not take from them. Still watching for indications they have successfully enticed, not watching for indications of potential love. And, they are at times dissatisfied because there is an itch they are used to relieving that is not being scratched. Persevere. Practice love. Walk in Love's direction and see where it goes. The deceptive itch will subside and we will all get better at recognizing the real deal... Holyfield. (I can't say the real deal without saying Holyfield.)

Several are already in relationships they know weren’t built on love, or at least aren’t operating in love now. The good thing is they can start operating today in love. Redeeming love. The love Christ pours into them for one another. They have the option to begin operating out of love simply...out of love and obedience to Christ. We all have that option in every relationship. And obedience leads to blessing. Google that. Even your kneading trough will be blessed (Deuteronomy 28). “Love one another” and leave it to God where He wants to take it. Don’t love to get love, you already are loved; or to manipulate the person into conformity to your image, God already has a plan for their image. Just love. God will supply your needs. Love is never wasted, unless you had aspirations of what you would get for it. And then, it wasn't really love to begin with.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–8)

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Gracefully Frank

H.S.

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Gracefully Frank

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