Gracefully Frank

I have repeated "the answer is yes," multiple times this week. Why not just go with the flow? I’ve been thinking through the difference between my actual preferences, and what I am just used to/familiar with, and I’m finding I really have a LOT fewer preferences than I think I’ve always thought I had, and a lot more of what should be considered just what I’m used to. This revelation is freeing me up to have fewer opinions – don’t be shocked, and don’t get me wrong: I do still have opinions…I am just making sure they are reserved for when it counts; and it counts a lot less often about a lot more things. But, when it counts…hold still. :)  I’m enjoying thinking familiarity doesn’t have to mean preference, so I’m changing up my responses a little. The answer is yes. If you get that, then good. If not, let’s just move on because I have  still had to say “no” to a few things this week, as I have the kind of friends who will try to push some boundaries to challenge me when I think I’ve come up with some new theory of living. 

The answer is "No" when the question is:

1) Do you want to do any activity that requires you to be in a harness? - No. Always no.

2) Would you want us to bury you in the sand? – No.

3) Do you want Shrimp and Grits? – No.

4) Do you want to be resuscitated if you get the flesh eating bacteria after playing in the ocean? – No.

Make your wishes known friends.

Here are some other things I’ve realized on this trip:

 - When On Vacation At The Ocean

1) Put sunscreen everywhere. There is no harm in superfluous sunscreen application. You may end up applying aloe to the middle of your back with a Williams-Sonoma spatula if you are not thorough. I’m not naming any names, but I need a new spatula.

2) If you see a seashell you want, grab it right away. As soon as the tide comes in again it will be gone. Then you will only have the memory of it, instead of being able to hold it in your hand. Grab the seashell! If only there were a metaphorical life lesson in there somewhere.

3) It is almost impossible (I say almost, because it may be that just I can’t do this) to take footprint-in-the-sand pictures before the tide comes and washes the imprint of your foot away. I’m sure I looked a bit like a moron as I would take a few steps in sand wet enough to hold the print well, right after the tide washed out, and then flip around really fast to try and capture the image before the water washed it away again…multiple times. I was using my travelling alias, had on a big hat and sunglasses, no one knew it was me, so no harm. I don’t really like any pictures I got, but maybe He thought it was funny. He’s carried me always, but I’ve been really aware of it this past year. It’s been one to remember. Romans 5.

4) If you take a boat cruise that says you will wade in the ocean to find seashells in knee deep water,  don’t believe them. You will be in your cute new white skirt up to your hips in seaweedy-hermit crab infested- ocean water. After returning to the boat, a little bit disheveled at having said “yes” to that adventure you may find yourself telling the kid next to you (after his dad reminds him again to sit down instead of stand on the bench where he is seconds away from falling overboard in swelling waves) “that means butt on the bench kid.” I even snapped and pointed as I said it. He minded me. In my mind I can hear Red or Blondie either one saying “Haley Lougene if I have to tell you again….” That is the tone of voice I had. Sadly, they usually had to tell me again. I would just get excited and forget. Like that kid standing on the bench.  

5) I didn’t see a lot of restrooms at the beach. I’m pretty sure people are peeing in the water. That’s not a pretty-is-as-pretty-does thing to say, but Lady Birds are straight shooters. We like to “Real Talk.”  Just know what you're getting into.  Apparantly its okay.


- Get Fun Friends and Work to Keep Them

Do you need to go out of your way a bit? Do you need to forgive sometimes? Do you need to talk on the phone when you aren't much of a phone talker? Figure out who your true friends are and work to keep them. Should you go on vacation with them? The answer is yes, even if vacation is just a dinner out, or a dinner in. Make the effort. Friends are worth it. Especially those you love. Don’t put spending time with them off.  Drive the miles.  Sleep on the air mattress.  Book the flight.  Here is what I found when I got off the plane:

                    

I love those seashells.

I also got off the plane and saw an old friend from Ponca, she had noticed the signs with my big head on them. Hard to miss. It was so fun to run into her and see her pretty little daughters. P.S. I love Ponca! I hope Brandi and her family enjoyed their vacation!

Some pics from Florida:

Every state should be near the ocean, but Oklahoma has the Thunder so it kind of evens out.

PS...I came home to my new apartment in Plano after this vacation. I can’t even say enough how grateful I am to Kenny and Sara who came down from Oklahoma to move me. I LOVE THEM! They helped finish painting, moved me, and put together my new bookshelves. Before they left that day my new place was already a home. I’m kind of giddy happy to have my things about me. (Imagine the scene in The Quiet Man with John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara where she explains to him she just wants her things about her. Me too. Now I do. :) Please pray for Kenny and Sara this week as they will fly to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to meet their baby girl. Seriously, that is happening.  She is beautiful, and I can hardly wait to snuggle with her.  Wish I were going with them. 

PSS…If you haven’t seen The Quiet Man, you should. Maybe you would like to come to Plano to see me and we can watch it together. I have a new place where a couple of walls are painted Evening Stroll (a beautiful blue), and my things are about me. If you are reading this, it is likely some of my things remind me of you: pictures, vacation reminders (glass alligator, my refrigerator magnets, etc), theology books, my Pioneer Woman statue, my Mamie quilt. All out of boxes. They aren’t my Treasure, they aren’t my memories, but they are reminders of all I’m thankful for.  You can even stay with with me.   

Saturday I bought beach nail polish. The kind of bright color that says, these toes are going to the beach. The kind of color that should be worn with flip-flops and be a little covered with sand. Not the kind of color that should be worn with neutral tone heels into a counseling session. Friday morning when I woke up I had no idea I would be going to the beach in a couple of weeks. When a couple of Lady Birds had originally asked me I pretty quickly decided that was something I couldn’t do. But, suddenly on Friday, I decided I could. I’m deciding I can a lot more often lately. Go ahead and ask me to do something. The answer is yes (within reason). Should I buy a couch off of Craigslist for $40, without being totally sure it will fit in my new apartment? Yes. Because I did, and I’m not. I know. I’m edgy. So I’m going to Florida. I don’t need to go to the beach, but it delights me to do so. I want to walk on the sand, I want to pick up seashells. I want to read a book. I want to get in the water. I want to eat seafood with friends even though I don’t really like it. I want to do something I don’t need to do, but just want to. One of my favorite friends lives in Destin. Why would I not go? It’s dumb not to. So, Friday I bought my ticket, and Saturday I bought beach nail polish. I think sometimes my reasonability, or striving to be responsible is actually probably a little more about being fearful (there I said it). Maybe I try to protect myself instead of trusting God to protect me? He surprises, delights and proves me wrong all the time. So I’m going to roll with it. Trusting people has been a recurring problem for me. I kind of reserve trust for proof (insert assumptions here), so trusting Him sometimes gets caught in that crossfire. But, I’m shaking it off a little and going to Florida. 

Oh and hey I’m also going to India. Like on-the-other-side-of-the-planet-Earth India. I give an inch and He takes a mile. :)  India is further away from Oklahoma than Ethiopia, Florida or Texas. This is starting to get interesting. Be really careful when you tell God what you don’t want to do, BUT that you surrender all. He will change your heart, (probably even give you a new one), and you will find yourself in the most surprising places, and have whole new perspectives on places you’ve been a million times. Thankfully, He isn’t confined by my self-confirmed rational insecurities that I pass off as being reasonable. His plans will not be thwarted. Get on board, or not. I’m on board. I’m not sure you could get any further out of my comfort zone than India. (I probably shouldn’t say that either or my next blog might be titled “Live From Iraq.”) I try to act like I’m all grown up, but I don’t feel much different than I ever have to tell the truth, and who am I? Bossy Haley, B student, too loud, procrastinator, the first one in line to jump off the high dive, but then too scared to ever do it again (true story). I’m always kind of floored when things come together, and I kind of feel like I’m winging it most of the time. I know I get a real serious look on my face and may point my finger as if I know exactly what I’m doing. I don’t. And I certainly quit thinking I knew what I was doing the day I committed to move to Fort Worth. I decided then to put me in His hands, and to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified, and to follow Him wherever, however, whenever. A lot less predictable, a lot less explainable, a lot less rational in my own understanding, “but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9…again. 

His Word keeps spurring me on. So, grossly inadequate and comically unsure, but with a growing love for those who have come to know Jesus as their Savior, but are undiscipled with lives that don’t reflect the joy and peace of a growing relationship with Jesus Christ, (just like I once was), I am going to India. How many times have we looked at the life of a Christian with condemnation because they continued to struggle with sin we think they should be over. I’m so thankful for the professors I had at Southwestern (Jones, Floyd, McGuire, Moitinho, Wicker) who taught me to meet a man where he is, where she is hurting, and instead of using the Word to condemn them, be used by God to show them how His Word sets them free. I continue to learn everyday where God has led me to work and serve. Our sin condemns us. His Word sets us free. Instead of slaughtering the sheep, Christ told us to feed them if we love him. If they don’t know that Jesus loves them, they are going to know that I do. And when they wonder why I do, I will be able to tell them because He does.  Jesus does.

The last beach I visited was on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. The beach where John 21:15-19 took place.

I will save the details of how this trip came to be for another day. For now, let me just say, God is faithful, He is alive and active and He has plans. Seven or eight months ago, when it was on my heart to begin saving for a trip, this is what God was planning. I thought it would be to go back to somewhere I've already been.  I said yes, before I knew the proposal.  But he's leading to a whole new place. So in partnership with the ministry I work for, in November I will have the humbling opportunity to talk with believers in India to...as the Hope For The Heart mission statement says: Provide Bible-based counsel to renew minds, heal hearts, and bring hope to the hurting, while empowering Christians to disciple others. 

Empowered Christians, with complete patience, loving one-another, sharing the Truth so that we may be free from the hurts and chains that bind us and conformed to the image of His Son. 

“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord…who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began…” 2 Timothy 1:8-9

From January 2008, through February 2011, I lived in Fort Worth, TX. Its not that I necessarily had anything against Texas, but never in my life did I plan on living here. I seem to do a lot of things I never planned on doing. People have asked me why I left my job, and came back to school. It seemed crazy to some, to others I finally looked like myself for the first time in a long time. It was both the hardest and easiest personal decision I’ve ever made. Both chaos and peace. I haven't tried to write about that time. I probably will at some point. But this is not that story…

This story is about a home named Lady Bird Manor. In honor of the former First Lady from Texas: Lady Bird Johnson. I like to name the homes I live in. At first Lady Bird was home to me, Kim, Sarah & MariAnne. When Miss MariAnne became a Mrs., Krissie moved in. When Miss Krissie became a Mrs., Kayla moved in. When I graduated and moved out this past February, Allison took my place. Soon after our original move in date we thought it would be fun to have a photo shoot to decorate our new home. Not one of these were ever framed, but here is the result (first generation Lady Birds: Kim, MariAnne, Sarah, me):

 
                

      


Naming the house ended up helping us bond. We weren't just roommates...we were Lady Birds. That's kind of silly, but life is too short to not have some silly. As of tomorrow (forgive me for the following cheesy phrase) all the Lady Birds will have flown the coop. (I fought myself to not include that line, but there you have it.) We considered setting Lady Bird on fire. Thinking it might be better to watch her burn, than let someone else move in and not know how truly wonderful of a home she is. But since none of us are nuts, and we are too busy to go to prison, we have decided to just gracefully let her go; praying God bless the next tenants as much as he did us in our time living there. We hope they appreciate her, and have enough furniture to take full advantage of her spacious floor plan.

Our little home on South Dr. in Fort Worth, TX had a lot of old school style. Some fancy wallpaper, central speaker system throughout, wood-burning fireplace, working trash compactor, some indoor ironwork, and beautiful sanctuary of a backyard. In the 60's Lady Bird Manor would have been high class...like Lady Bird Johnson in her day...which is how our home got her name. For some reason it was just more fun to not just “go home,” but to go home to Lady Bird. It was more inviting to ask friends over for game night or to cookout at Lady Bird; to put on invitations for birthdays, going away and holiday parties: "Location: Lady Bird Manor." When Lady Bird's living room was a mess, geckos were climbing her walls and taking showers with us, water flooding her floors, her air-conditioner running non-stop, her grass too high, her fence falling down, ginormous possums roaming her backyard, or mice roaming her pantry we could scold her, and not each other. "Lady Bird your grass needs mowed," or "Lady Bird your kitchen is a mess."

Lady Bird's Back Porch

At Lady Bird "night-night" time was observed at a decent hour. Rainy Sunday afternoons were spent on the back patio with books and coffee and Jesus. There was a lot of coffee and Jesus. At Lady Bird if you didn't pay rent you didn't park in the driveway. At Lady Bird you could say out loud what was bottled up inside. Lady Bird's bushes were lovingly (and aggressively) trimmed, and her varieties of flowers in bloom year round thanks to Mr. Hernandez who built the house and designed her landscape. Lady Bird had twinkle lights that made the back yard magical at night, but added delight to the daytime just as often. Friends came to take Sunday afternoon naps at Lady Bird and curl up on one of her four couches under one of her many blankets. While preparing a meal one had more than adequate lighting in Lady Bird's kitchen. LB hosted the MMC bible study each Tuesday night. Lady Bird had her doorways anointed with oil and covered with prayer. Lady Bird's favorite movie was Anne of Green Gables. Lady Bird loved a good game night, and Karaoke always included Son of a Preacher Man and ended with Drops of Jupiter to mellow it all out. At Lady Bird slippers were in style, preferably pink. Lady Bird liked to play her music loud especially African worship music and Motown. Bath time at Lady Bird was a choreographed routine and serious business. Lady Bird had delicious chocolate chip cookies and really good bean dip, and her favorite ring tone went like this…"You are my strong tower...”

Lady Bird hosted study groups and showers; planned weddings and life after Seminary. Lady Bird showed a lot of grace for our moments of crazy; like the time I walked all the way to my room in the dark, angry that my car key clicker wasn’t turning the lights on (school can be hard on a person.) Fires were built, tears were shed, exclamations were exclaimed, papers were written, walls were brought down, hearts were strengthened, laughs were laughed, and love was shared, even when my speaker wasn’t, at Lady Bird Manor. I love you B's, and every friend who played with us, prayed with us, cried with us, ate with us, laughed with us, sang with us and shared not only Lady Bird Manor with us, but some of my favorite moments ever. Moments I never even planned on...

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11