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Gracefully Frank

Pretty little words are everywhere.  Words crafted, fonted, and overlaid onto pretty little pictures. Some make us laugh, some stir up our loyalty, some make us dream a bigger dream than we dreamt a minute ago, and some pull us deep into old bitter or old sweet memories.  Words have a lot of power.

Words can be True and Not True.  Sometimes the exact same words are true in one instance, but not true in another.  It is not the words themselves that make them true or not true; it is the circumstances and the motives of the one who speaks them, whispers them, types them, twists them, sings them, uses them...

For instance, let's look at these words:


Those are pretty.  There is something in that reassurance that can settle a racing heart, encourage a rejected soul, lift crying eyes and set a face like flint. A pretty little word mantra can lift us up from someplace low.  I am disappointed, but, "What is meant for me will not pass my by." "What is meant for me will not pass me by." 

As we scroll through whatever we scroll through and come across little bits of inspiration we should stop for a second and think, "ok, what does that even mean?"  Pretty little words can be encouraging when they are true, but they can be deception when they are not true.  That deception can keep us headed in a wrong direction.  When we apply pretty little words that are not true, it can be like putting our hands over our ears and singing "la la la la la" to drown out true words that are spoken to us. True words that would lift us from a pit, instead of make us comfortable in it. When words are true they set us free.  When words are not true they keep us chained.

What would it take for these particular words to be True or Not True. "What is meant for you will not pass you by."

Well, first who is it that has what is meant for you?  Where is what is meant for you currently? Who put what is meant for you in motion so that it is heading toward you? Is it God? Is it your own personal output? Is it chance?  Is chance a thing?  Does the word "meant" cancel out the word "chance?" Just a few questions.

If you do believe in God, and you believe God, then you probably believe somewhere in your gut that God has a plan.  Do your life and actions demonstrate that belief, or is that belief somewhere over on the sidelines as you go about running plays? His Word says He created each of us for a purpose. Each of us has a plan.  That blows my mind because there are a whole lot of "us."  But, we don't have to be able to grasp it in order to trust it.  In faith, we step out and experience it, and then our trust and faith are confirmed.

Here is the thing though about the pretty little words above:
What is meant for you can and will pass you by.

If we believe God has the hand in what is meant for us,
then unless we position ourselves in His hand,
our meant for us will pass right by. 

His meant isn't about a specific person, place or thing.  His meant has so much more to do with our hearts in any circumstance, (as Paul said Read Philippians 4), than it does with our specific circumstances. But, as we begin to live out our meant... specific people, places and things do come with it.  Not the other way around.

Our eternal salvation is not contingent on continually being placed well. The moment we are placed in Christ that is secure whether we are a Christian (follower of Christ) on milk or meat. God's grace is amazing.  The cross of Christ was sufficient for eternity.  But, rather, it's what was and is "meant" for us in this life.

It's our unique path and purpose determined by our Creator that can be missed.  He tells us He will guide us if we walk in faith and let His Word light the way.  His true Word. It is a tragedy if we let ourselves be satisfied with being sedated by pretty little words as we walk along any old path.

We should demand our path; cutting through bull and distraction, temptation and rejection, trekking mountains and valleys with faces set like flint to get on our path. Wherever you sit or walk today you can begin to go after it. There is no age limit. There is no righteousness requirement.  It's a choice and determination.  It doesn't mean all of your circumstances will change. It means your whole life will change even in your existing circumstances.  That is what God does when we say the word yes.

  • Then, those pretty little words are true. 
  • Then, we can know that we are directly in the path of our "meant." In plenty or in want. 
  • Then, even when confusing, we can rest in the sovereignty of the One who created us for a purpose.
  • Then, there is peace.  

This Guy Missed His Meant For Him...
In Luke 18 there is a story of the rich ruler who asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. (Luke 18:18-30) He asked Jesus because he believed Jesus was good. He believed Jesus was the right one to ask, and that he had the answers.  If this rich ruler was scrolling through reading inspirational quotes from Jesus he would have shared them on his own wall, tweeted them to his followers, posted the picture on his own site and would have been inspired, too.  But, apparently, when it came down to the get down, the rich ruler was satisfied with just the pretty little words.  He was not ready to actually follow them into the path of what was meant for him.  Jesus told him to get rid of what was in between them (for him, it was wealth), and "Come, and follow me." 

Not everyone in scripture got the specific game plan of "come and follow me" during Christ's life on earth. Some people he healed and then told them to go and tell everyone.  Some people he healed and then told them to go and not tell anyone.  Some people he taught then walked away from and on to the next village to teach others.  But, to some, he said, "come, follow me."  Here was this ruler's meant for him handed to him through the Words of Christ himself.  The ruler hung his head in sadness. He chose otherwise because in his understanding the cost was too great.  He went home to the life of his choosing, that probably still blessed him with fruits of this earth, but he missed what was meant. One life was maybe way more comfortable than the other, but assuredly way less fulfilling than if he was fulfilling his meant for him. He had the freedom to choose.  So do we.    

These pretty little words were not true for the rich ruler. If he went back to the house after his encounter with Jesus and wrote them on his bathroom mirror to encourage his heart... then these pretty little words would have been his deception that kept him on the wrong path.  There are a lot of examples of people missing their meant for them in the Bible: King Saul, Samson. And, there are a lot of examples of people stepping into their meant for them by faith and obedience: Ruth, Paul.

Will these pretty little words be true or not true for you?  Every single morning we have the opportunity to choose them to be true as we lay down reins we think we hold and take faith steps toward the One who holds what is meant for us.

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Maybe I was somewhere between 4 and six years old?  I made a decision of something I was going to do, so I walked through our little open plan living room with multi-colored orangey shag carpet.  Stepped down one little step, passed my dad where he was watching the news (boring), then stepped up another little step in the dining room kitchen area where my mom was at the stove making dinner.  I'm fairly certain some canned corn would have been in one pot, along with a recipe calling for ground hamburger meat in a skillet.  

"Mom, I'm going over to Wendy's house."  Wendy was a few years older than me and the coolest. We lived on opposite sides of a cul-de-sac where every house was filled with either an elderly couple or a young family.  Wendy had a big black dog named Bosco that scared the ever-living out of me, but Wendy letting me play at her house was worth facing the fear.  And, I decided right then was the time to get on my big wheel and go see what was up.  

"Not now.  We are getting ready to have dinner," mom said. Whaaatt?  I'm not sure if I sassed her right to her face or not, but apparently, it was brewing inside of me.  I turned from her.  Walked back through the dining/kitchen area, stomped down the little step into the living room and over to my Dad.  

"Dad, can I go over to Wendy's house?"  He said, "I just heard your momma tell you no. So, no, not right now, dinner is almost ready."  (Some of the recreated dialogue here may or may not be exactly accurate.)  So, I turned from him.  Started to stomp back across the shag toward the little step up out of the living room, when the evil spirit of back-talk overcame me, and I made a poor choice.  I turned back to him and said, "Fine, now I hate you and momma both." You guys, my dad can get up out of a recliner so fast!!  If recliner dismount were an Olympic sport.... 
This was not that moment, but the turn and hand on hip placement I am posing here may have been similar to give a little visual.
I had a little time in my room with a bit of a bruised ego, self-indignation, and red backside to think about the turn of events that had just played out.  And now, we have had years of using that line in much more light-hearted moments with each other.  

I was making plans without their input.  They already had plans for me.  Plans for dinner with corn and hamburger.  Plans to sit with me at the table and talk about the day.  Plans to put a little pat of butter on my bread and pour me a glass of sweet tea.  Good plans for me.

Maybe they would have let me go to Wendy's house all along when the time was right.  But, I jumped ahead and wrecked it. 

I had a conversation this week with a friend and we talked about making plans.  We try to make so many plans based on our own understanding.  Based on how cool Wendy from the block is.  Based on where we want to be, in case we don't get to do what we want to do.  We need money. We want purpose, and we try to figure out all the ways to make that happen.  And, we make our plans.

We stop by Jesus at that stove making us dinner and announce our plans, and then when he tries to shepherd us from the recliner as he sees us walking toward trouble... we stiff arm and back talk because we wanna do what we wanna do.  Or, we want to do what we think we need to do because we aren't sure he has the best intentions for us.  I neeeed to go to Wendy's. That's where the cool is at. In my own understanding that is the right next move.  Don't tell me no.

What plans are you making?  Who are you talking to about them?  His Word tells us He has plans already in the works, and they are good.  Sometimes if feels like we should be taking a little more charge over our plans.  Take a few big kid steps.  But, you might miss dinner if you do.  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5  

He can only make your paths straight if he actually does have a destination planned for you. And, you will only get there if you actually trust him and allow him to lead. I wish I would have fully learned that lesson right there in that shaggy carpeted living room. But, it has taken a little history between us for me to learn that what He has is best and that He will get me where He has planned for me. 

If you can identify at all, then reading all of Proverbs 3 may be encouraging to you today.  Read Proverbs 3  

Think about things, but let the Lord establish your steps. 
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Last night at a class I’ve been attending at church, we were reminded to surround ourselves with the right people for our journey.  Those who help develop, encourage and grow us.  Which went right along with some other things I’ve been studying and thinking about.  The opposite of those who develop, encourage and grow us are those who don’t.  Those who discourage our convictions, enable our destructive appetites and weaken our character and dignity and possibly our dependence on God. Let’s call them Bathsheba Fetchers.  The word “fetcher” is not in the King’s English I’m sure, but it paints the right picture.

2 Samuel 11

vs. 3  “And David sent and inquired about the woman.  And one said, “is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” (Bathsheba Fetcher #1)

vs. 4  “So David sent messengers and took her…” (Multiple Bathsheba Fetchers)

Bathsheba Fetcher #1 – He answered David’s question honestly.  But Scripture doesn’t tell us if he spoke truth with a capital T.  At the end of this ordeal Bathsheba Fetcher #1 could say – “I told David that was Uriah’s wife,” and he could feel pretty good about himself.  Safe.  He answered what he was asked.  Conscience absolved.  But, he didn’t speak the full truth to David that we know of.  Which could have sounded something like this:  “King David, that is the wife of Uriah, one of your most loyal and valuable leaders. Don't go there. Come in from the roof and pull the curtain.  Flee.  This is not ok.  Brothers before others, David.  Quit talking crazy.  We need to get you out of this castle for a minute and go get some coffee and talk about this temptation you are experiencing.  Let's get it out of your gut so it can quit driving your thoughts. Remember who you are and Who’s you are. I beg you David…don’t do this.” But, we don’t read about this happening.

Bathsheba Fetcher #1 was a first line of defense that missed the tackle.  We are not sure why.  Was he afraid for his job?  Was his identity so wrapped up in his position in David’s court that he dared not question the king?  Did he have ambition to climb the king’s ladder? Did he just misunderstand his responsibility?  Did he think at all cost he was to serve David, God’s chosen, instead of at all cost he was to serve God?  We don’t know his motivation, but we do know the consequence.

Are you on defense for the Lord’s chosen around you?  Are you safely honest, but not boldly truthful?

The next line of defense are those Bathsheba Fetchers who don’t just let you slide by when you are walking out the door headed toward destruction...  They are the ones who open the door for you and run to help bring destruction to you.  They are not your friends.  When the enemy sees the first cracks in the defense opened by the ear tickling whispers/and half hearted self-saving honesty of friends who are not your friend, this second line of Bathsheba Fetchers help break the the field wide open.
We’ll fetch Bathsheba for you David. 
We’ll stroke your pride and ego, instead of encouraging you in humility.
We’ll remind you of who you are, instead of reminding you of who God is.
We’ll help take what you want, instead of protect you from losing God’s kingdom entrusted to you.

If your friend asks you to fetch Bathsheba:
- someone else’s spouse
- glory that isn’t theirs
- feed their destructive appetite

Don’t do it.

Be like Nathan who was honest and spoke truth to help draw David to repentance and restoration.  Nathan didn’t go to David on his own.  God, out of His lovingkindness called Nathan to David.  God didn’t hate David for his fall, God did everything possible to lift him up out of it.  “And The Lord sent Nathan to David…” (Read 2 Samuel 12) When the world weakens our defenses, The Lord is our defense.  And, when the world weakens defenses, God is looking for Nathans.

If you are asking your friends to fetch Bathsheba to:
- condone your destructive appetites
- feed your ego
- hide your sin
- justify your actions

Stop it.

If The Lord has sent you a Nathan. Listen to him.  Confess. Repent.  Be washed and through with that mess.

Or, don’t.

Long before David fetched Bathsheba, Saul sent people out to fetch David to kill him. Saul had fetchers of his own.  Saul was blinded by ego and greed and paranoia.  He surrounded himself by people that fed these things, except for his son.  Jonathan spoke honestly and truthfully with Saul. (Read 1 Samuel 19) But, Saul didn’t listen and he lost everything. (His disobedience began here: (Read 1 Samuel 13) and ended here (Read 1 Samuel 31)

David sinned. But, he listened. And through Christ, his kingdom is enthroned still.

Are you Saul? Are you David?  Are you Nathan? Are you fetching Bathsheba?

Man may ask you to fetch Bathsheba, but only God can call a Jonathan or a Nathan.  Pray.  We can ask The Lord to show us where we are in the narrative.  Not all of us are called to stand before kings and speak the honest truth, but we are all called to pray for those who enter their court.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
Matthew 6:33

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Last week while at a conference in North Carolina, I had the opportunity to capture a few moments at a kingdom on earth...





It was beautiful, and only a foretaste.
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When I think something is a good deal, or exciting, or something interesting people should try I like to mention it.   Sometimes when people mention stuff, or want you to listen to something, you just don't want to.  Like my Riann and a certain 90's Christian music band that she always wanted me to listen to when we were kids.  The more she suggested it, the more I didn't want to; until I did, and then I liked them.  You may find some of these thoughts and suggestions interesting enough to try, or you may not.  Suit yourself.  But for instance...

Thai food.  If you grew up in Oklahoma it is likely you did not have a taste of Thai cuisine until recent years. Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe you have, but in case not ...It's really delicious.  I like flavors of spicy with sweet, and Thai food offers this combination. If you haven't tried it, I would suggest it. Do you remember being hesitant about trying the new Hunan place when it first hit your town?  And, then you did, and then you were like, "I love Hunans!"?

Mumford & Sons.  Right now, my shoulders are shrugged up and I'm confused at my own thought that someone may not understand their genius. I can't. So, I'm not even sure what to type here. They go without saying.

Recently there was a recipe for spaghetti squash with peas and bacon.  I forwarded it to a few people. Believing God, by Beth Moore and The Grace Awakening, by Charles Swindoll, Cure For The Common Life, by Max Lucado...I've bought and given a few copies of those. My Realtor from last year, Brad Boone. I've handed his name around for those interested in finding a home. The cult classic movie about a radio station's truck giveaway promotion in the little town of Longview, TX. "If you can't play with the big dogs, get on the porch with the puppies." - RIP Bennie. Words to live by.   The name of it is a bit distracting, but you can google it. I have it on VHS and still have a VHS player so I can watch it sometimes.

I like good coffee and cute places to drink it. I choose my morning coffee cup based on my awakening mood.  I think it helps my day get started well, and I would suggest that to others. You don't have to do this, its just a suggestion. We share what we experience. Based on my experience, I would say don't drink coffee out of a boring cup.  You could get one that is pink, with delicate filigree looking vines and the words "Be Awesome" inscribed in gold. Get it for $3 at TJ Maxx like I did. Then drink your coffee out of it and be awesome. I drank out of it this morning.  I'm going to wash it and drink out of it again in the morning. A good coffee cup, like a good song, can take me to places, people or things I like to think about, so sometimes I drink out of one on repeat.


That product placement picture brings me to Instagram.  I highly suggest Instagram.  I used to dabble in photoshop. Now, click click and my pictures are done. Click, click, is all the time I want to spend on them. And, with Chatbooks, every 60 pictures I get a book in the mail for $8. Then, I can go back through my memories of this life, and this time, and while sitting still I can soak in all that the Lord has done and I am every day amazed.  Someday these Chatbooks may be on a shelf at an antique/second-hand store along with the rest of my things. They could be stacked next to the thousands of gently and greatly loved items, just like the ones I like to sift through at local antique shops.  Proof again, none of us can take it with us. And, that was my way of mentioning how much I like antique stores.  I would so much rather look at and have something with a little history than something shiny and new. Most of the time.

I'm not even going to mention www.ancestry.com.  I don't think it's uncool at all that I know my own DNA profile.  If you want to debate or discuss it, I will.  I like a good strong conversation. I've been known to speak frankly and appreciate it in others. Most of the time. Also, I realize I mentioned www.ancestry.com after saying I wasn't going to mention it.

Below is a tree I drive by often.  It stands by itself far away from any other tree, and it is beautiful to me. It was especially beautiful draped in this cloudy sunset. I passed it once the night I took this photo, drove until I could turn around, and then went back to capture the picture. Something else I would suggest.  I've never once regretted stopping to get a picture.  I have regretted a few pictures I didn't go back and get. Probably a metaphorical life lesson in there somewhere. If that makes you think of something you regret passing by, go back for it.  If what you regret passing by is not something you would want to be posted on a billboard in front of your grandma's house, leave it passed by. Then, maybe pray a little bit about why you regret something your grandma wouldn't approve of.


I also liked year 40.  It's over tonight. It wasn't scary. It wasn't depressing.  It was really a bit like ripping a bandaid off.  The fear of it was much worse than "it," itself.  I don't mean when you slooowly peel a bandaid off and with each tug, your fear of pain is realized. That's when the pain is just as bad as the fear. I mean when you grab ahold of it and rip it off fast.  When it's over in a second and you can breathe and realize, that didn't hurt.  #thatwas40.  When I opened my eyes to it a year ago tomorrow, the drama leading up to the moment ripped off fast and it's been pretty great.

Along with these other thoughts and suggestions, for those of you coming up to 40, or 41, rip it off and enjoy it. Just a thought. A suggestion. Suit yourself.

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As I sat at the round kitchen table drinking a tiny cup of strong coffee made from beans grown close to where we gathered, I listened to the conversation being spoken between new friends. A few of the words I could understand, but most of them went beyond my high school Spanish comprehension. Not understanding the language never seems to matter much on these trips, and it didn’t this time either. The back door was open. A cool breeze pulled through the open windows and high ceilings and moved around some of the sweaty hair sticking to my neck. My bare feet rested on the faded, but still beautiful, tile floors that were laid in this home built well before the revolution that still shapes the landscape and character of Cuba. In many ways, it’s as if that revolution happened only moments ago. Occasionally, someone compassionately stopped to explain a bit of what was being said, but I didn’t really need to know. I was content to just listen, rest and sip my coffee.

We had just arrived in Havana, and even on the short ride to the home of our hosts, I was enchanted by Cuba. Enchanted is not an everyday word I use, but as I’m trying to think of a way to describe how I felt, that keeps coming to mind. It is kind of like stepping into the pages of 1950’s full-color storybook. Let’s say that storybook has maybe had a little coffee spilled on it. Maybe it was left open in the sun and some pages have become faded. Maybe it has been read so many times that it’s a little worn from the wear of the hands of readers. Pages creased. A few torn edges. It’s still a beautiful story that you want to keep reading and see the detailed pictures on each page because it is just so fascinating. Tragedy and triumph. Generals and God. Full of people. Full of life. Worn-in and vibrant.

Conversations were often qualified with “before the revolution” or “after the revolution” as we learned about the country, the people, and the Church. It all seems very current. I listened as one man who was present before and after the 60's, patriotically and vividly share details with us of life and culture “before and after.” Later, I heard a next generation family member of his use the very language he had used when talking with us about their homeland. Her second-hand account held much of the same passion as his. They love their country. There are things they want to stay the same, and things they would like to be different. Not unlike any other country in the world. They love one another. They serve a high order to be faithful in prosperity and adversity. The people we met are men and women of integrity that teach and follow the way of God in accordance with the truth. Not easily swayed. They respect and follow the governance of their citizenship. (Matthew 22:15-22)  I was so blessed to meet with them and hear their stories and to serve with them on the seminary grounds that is a sister seminary to Southwestern.  Many have gone before us, both here and there, to make our ministry today possible. God is faithful to the generations to come.

We discussed our faith, devotion, and ministries, and shared bits of our lives over the breakfast table (where there was always leche con chocolate), during our days of training, and in circled up chairs late into the night. We found our love for the Lord gave us a love for one another. For anyone who has ever had the opportunity to serve someone, or serve with someone in His name, you know this love that grows between you. That heart you get for the one with whom you share His hope, grace, mercy and Word. The Lord’s plans so far have given me the opportunity to drop in on these scenes in many places with many different people, and share glimpses of His creation and consistent faithfulness through stories. Some of you grow deep roots in an ongoing scene serving with familiar faces in your home, community, and church. I hope some of your moments with them are called to mind today: the people you have served and served beside, sat with in circles of chairs, the meals prepared and shared, the faith-filled conversations, and the Lord whom you first loved. Maybe you had forgotten?  Remember.  I pray you are reminded to be thankful for them wherever and whenever your story together took place. From Ponca to Cuba, and everywhere in between, I’m thankful.

Here are a few favorite pictures from my Cuban storybook.

















Side Note:  Just this month American Airlines began routes into Cuba.  It is about a 45-minute flight from Miami. There are many resorts on the island and it has been a favorite holiday spot for people of other countries for many years. Just a thought, if you are looking for a new place to visit. 

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"Refreshing day."  That is what the employees of the conference center where we are staying say as we pass them on the road.  At first, I thought maybe it was just a natural thing to say in this African country where I have been for a couple of weeks.  But, I found out they say it as part of their hotel slogan.  The rainbow, which comes just after a time of refreshing, is a symbol of their parent company. Hence their slogan. It's a symbol of my Parent company, too.  Today, I am taking them both up on a day of refreshing.

The journey I'm on has had me on journey pretty constantly for the past two months.  I've loved most every minute.  (I was sick for a bit of it, I've been jet lagged for some of it.  I don't necessarily love those parts).  Today, I stepped away from our training conference to have a day of refreshing and preparation.  Being able to prepare for the plans ahead of me next week is still very refreshing to me.  I was beginning to get a little panicked thinking about how little time I would have but then realized my teaching time for the current 2-day conference could happen tomorrow.  So today, my training friends and I agreed I could step back, do my laundry, take some time to prepare, and be refreshed.   As my friend/roommate got dressed I slept in until 7:30.  She left for breakfast and I made myself some Nescafé in the room. One of those little comforts I am always so excited to see is in-room coffee service.  It doesn't always happen, but my heart literally soars when I see a rusty little teapot, some packets of Nescafe, and a coffee cup in the room I've been assigned.

Then I got back in the bed on my side of the night table propped my pillows just right, sipped a bit of coffee and opened God's Word.  I finished the book of Romans again this morning.  Paul loved them and wanted to get to them so badly, but his journey kept him going other places. He loved and trusted God with His plans, instead of his own. He really laid out for the Romans the foundation of what he was trying to tell every church he visited or wrote.  I think because of his great love for them, and because he wasn't sure when he would see them again, he wanted to make sure the gospel was so clear.  The who, what, when, where, how and why.  Romans. Then I read a few more chapters of a biography I've been reading of a pastor I will get to work with next week (after fixing my 2nd cup of Nescafe). It has been such an encouragement to me.  We have not walked exactly the same road, but our stops have looked somewhat alike.  Then I did laundry. My laundry and I needed this today.

There was as much water on me and in the floor as in this sink.  As I hung my clothes around the room I thought of this one time at LadyBird when MA helped me with some of my laundry and I was less than appreciative.  I've come a long way MA.  
I went for a walk around the campus, stopped in for a little lunch then found a shade tree filled with peacocks to sit under (strategically not under the peacocks) to write a little and be thankful.  Tomorrow I'll be back in the line-up to teach (correct, rebuke, train, 2 Timothy 3:16-17) and I will love it.  I feel the most ... well maybe just put a period after the word "most." I feel the most when I am able to lead people to hope through God's Word, and share with them about applying His Word to their everyday life.  Not just for the sake of change in their life, but for the sake of who Christ is.  The life change, freedom, and heart change is the gracious consequence.  He's too much to just tiptoe around with and I'm all in, because of His grace.  Grace is a word I didn't understand a lot about growing up. I read a book called "Grace Awakening" by Charles Swindoll that helped me understand it better.  If you are looking to understand grace better, that is one I would suggest. I think I have mentioned it before, but it comes to mind again today.

Several days before leaving for this trip, I returned home from a multi-week trip to Thailand and Indonesia.  We attended a pastor conference in Thailand, I wrote a bit about that in my last blog. We enjoyed one sightseeing day in Thailand before traveling to Indonesia to spend 7 days with our ministry partners there.  7 days, 5 hotels, 5 flights, 100's of beautiful faces, many sweet friends.  Out of over 20 days, we had 2 days totally off from our work to enjoy a day of sightseeing on our own tab.  These are days of picture taking (something I love to do) and grabbing the occasional something-to-remember-them by souvenir. The pictures I share are usually from these few days.  It is rare that I share the faces or stories of the people I serve with in my blog.  I'm not really the authorized teller of their stories outside of the ministry I serve with.  But, I am the one to tell my story. I stand amazed by what God is doing, and I am grateful for his gifts.  God is good.  He is refreshing.vvIn the midst of the work He has given me He gives me sunsets, water taxies, Chicken Pad Thai next to the Bridge on The River Kwai, ginger tea in Ubud, and today: Nescafe and Peacocks.

Sunset watchers in Bali.


Water market in Bangkok.
Chicken Pad Thai
The Bridge Over The River Kwai.  
Ginger Tea in Ubud.


I hope today you are refreshed, or if today is your busy day, I hope you have some planned refreshing soon.  I'm so thankful for it, and thank you for taking a minute to share in it with me.  

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This is my I’m-turning-forty blog. I’m turning 40. Forty-year-old Haley Scully. Did you turn 40 one time? Are you going to turn 40 one day?

I mean 40. How did this happen? I’ve been watching my friends turn 40 over these past several months, so it’s not like I’ve had no warning. But, I can’t even believe they are 40. I would swear we were just 17. But, I checked my calendar again and it’s coming in like 6 days. Forty. 40. For-T. How old are you, Haley? 40. Ok.

It’s different than turning 10, 20 or 30. Not just in the number of years, but also in self-perception and social connotation. At 10, I was all about finally being double digits, Smurfs, rainbows, unicorns. At twenty I was coming out of some really hurtful times, I hardened my resolve and thought “I’m an adult now, and need to act like one.” At thirty, I realized “I’m really an adult now, and it’s time to get a handle on some things.” And now at 40, I no longer have a plan on how to act. Finally. I know what I know, and I have some ideas about what I don’t know. I don’t have everything figured out, but there is a Light to my path and I am committed to it. It has inexplicably guided me. I believe. No longer one foot on, one foot off. Not just a habit or what I grew up believing. My faith is mine because I sought the Lord. I am not looking for a path, person, place or thing to accommodate who I think I should be. I trust the Maker of the path is creating me as I take the steps He shows me … I’m a pilgrim in progress if you will, but not the bonnet wearing kind of pilgrim.  After 3 years of first beginning to read John Bunyan’s version of the progress of a pilgrim, I’m just now to the part where the Keeper of the Gate let Christiana and Mercy in. It’s a book worth the attention I’m finally giving it. It’s amazing how spot on it relates to today though written in 1678. “There is nothing new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9

However, when one turns the big 4-0, there are some questions that come up whether you are searching or not. Questions concerning reflection and vision like: Where have I been? Where am I going? Am I doing this right? Forty doesn’t feel like I thought it would. It doesn’t look like I thought it would, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean what I once was afraid it meant.

It’s easy to look at the tangibles, the demographics, the statuses in our lives to try and justify, validate or prove we are doing life right. We can blame others for what we find, and we give others the glory. We can maybe take a peak around to do a little comparison… “I’m better off than them” or “I’m worse off than them.” We can look at lists we once created to see if we’ve checked things off. Have we achieved what is appropriate? I'm forty! Does my life matter? Have we made the decisions we needed to make? Have we become everything we wanted to be? Turns out you can’t be anything you dream of being even if you put your mind to it. I’m not Princess Leia. No one has asked me to sing the National Anthem at the Superbowl. I’m not a congresswoman for the great state of Oklahoma (yet). (but, maybe I haven't really put my mind to those things) My oldest is not graduating from high school this year. There is no wedding anniversary to celebrate. But on the flipside, listing all the things I am, have done, or am doing is as fruitless as listing those things I’m not when considering if I am doing this right …if I’m doing life right at this checkpoint.  I’ve been accepted as many times as rejected, although I tend to focus on one over the other. I’m sure there are more of both to come. I’ve had successes and failures. But, snapshots and spot checks on birthdays don’t define a life. Maybe you can relate to some of these questions or thoughts?

Everything I have could be gone tomorrow, or everything I want could show up. Maybe you’ve lost everything, or maybe you have everything you could ever want. We can compare and compete all day long, but when we finally confess we are not in control and only by God’s grace do we live and breathe and move, do we come to a place of rest; or should I say do I come to a place of rest as I turn 40 or any other age. So if comparison or competitions aren’t my markers for if I’m ok sliding into the big 4-tee, four-ty, forty … what then? “Vanity, vanity…”?

In the last few years, I’ve had to fight hard and dig deep through trials in my life and in my family, and as God has given me the opportunity to talk the talk in places I never imagined going. With trials and opportunity comes refinement. So, to refine and conform me to His image, as He carries me through trials or guides me through opportunities …He keeps leading me to cliffs to trust fall. He keeps lifting me off to new places.  He keeps exposing my weaknesses, to make me stronger. He keeps making me do, not just be. He keeps increasing my joy. He keeps setting me free. He keeps reminding me of His love right when I need it. Sometimes I limp down the path He leads me on. Sometimes He carries me. But, sometimes I fly.

What I do not have, or what I do have ...

Where I have not been, or where I have been ...


These things don’t define me or validate my life at 40. Don’t let them define you. That’s harder to do when you have everything you want, it’s somehow easier to do when you’ve been left wanting. Both come with perks and disadvantages; that we may or may not be aware of.

My life is defined by Jesus Christ. Whoever I am with, wherever I may go, I am His disciple. In plenty or in want; in a crowd or alone. My life is built on Him. That is what we are made for. I took some time getting here, but it doesn’t matter. My rebellion could never overcome His love and faithfulness.

I am also a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I could be better at all of those, but I find the better I get at being defined by Christ, by His life, by His guidance, the better I get at those other roles. As I turn 40 I want to be more like Him. I don’t want to act like an adult, I want to live like a Believer. I have said to friends, so I’ll type it in my blog, my 20’s were filled with trying really-really hard to be who I thought I should be.  My 30’s were filled with gracious tearing down and rebuilding to be who I was made to be.  And, my 40’s…well, I’m about to find out. I am looking forward to this next decade with a faithful and grateful heart.

On my actual birthday, if all goes as planned, I’ll wake up in New York City with my two favorite friends who have shared paths with me for almost my whole life. With each step, we have talked out, cried over, prayed through and laughed about where we have landed. They are my safe place. I’m so glad they turned 40 way-way before me, but that we get to celebrate our birthdays from the last few months together next week. I am also faithful and grateful to them.

Whatever birthday you are coming up on, I pray you would consider what it is you have let define you. In plenty or in want, don’t look to the right or to the left. Look up.


In Psalm 138 David writes the words in my heart.

I will give You thanks with all my heart;
I will sing praises to You before the gods.
I will bow down toward Your holy temple
And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth;
For You have magnified Your word according to all Your name.
On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.

All the kings of the earth will give thanks to You, O Lord,
When they have heard the words of Your mouth.
And they will sing of the ways of the Lord,
For great is the glory of the Lord.
For though the Lord is exalted,
Yet He regards the lowly,
But the haughty He knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.


P.S. All went as planned...


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Sometimes I practice my Dirty Harry face.  I squint up my eyes and kind of squinch up my lips to try and look a little more tough, and a little less like a target as I walk through crowded streets in far away lands where the trees talk.  Our partners are always so attentive and try to protect me/us from people who may be willing to risk taking a chance on me to get my backpack or phone.  That kind of thing could happen anywhere, but there have been a few places lately where we had to think about it a little more.   I’ve been told I do not blend in well, so I do a little extra to look like someone that may not blend in, but is not easy to mess with.  I’m sure it works. Some times I sneak a smile at someone who’s eye I catch.  Especially if they are very young or very old.  Have I mentioned I love older people?  What if no one else has been friendly to them today?  What if they prayed for someone to just see them today?  It’s the Jesus and Glenda in me.  The Haley in me is all Dirty Harry faced and nothing but business as she strolls through your streets in her black knee high boots, that one half-price Dillard’s outfit she has to do training in and her purple back pack strapped around front so you can’t get into it behind her. All spice no sugar.

I got my first lesson in blending in many years ago during my first trip to New York during another lifetime.  I wore my cuuute red capris and a great shirt with some splashes of color on it.  It was my “I’m going to New York and I’m cute” outfit.  I walked into the office of my New York bosses and one of them looked me up and down and asked what other clothes I brought.  I assured her everything else was black.  The next day, dressed in black,  I greeted everyone who got on the elevator we were riding with a little “good morning” or “hello.”  I was told “we don’t speak to everyone who gets on the elevator.”  Noted.  Wear black. Don’t speak.  She was just helping me culturally assimilate.  Right? Right.

Today, I’m not wearing red capris.  Today,  I’m wearing my red Canadian Mounty winter coat.  I’m sure to culturally assimilate in this.  This morning’s 4 am wake up call came about 30 minutes after I actually woke up.  Tomorrow’s wake up call will be even earlier as we head to the next airport, the next plane, and next destination.  But, not just the next people.  My heart is already there.  I met these friends last year, and I’m so excited to be with them again.  These journeys can be a little stressful, but following Jesus wherever He leads is always worth it, and the people I get to call friends change me a little bit at every stop.  Sometimes I get a little distracted by the stress of the journey.  I really wish I didn’t waste that time.  I love this beautiful life and am so very thankful.  Sometimes stressful. Sometimes isolating.  Sometimes exhausting.  I’m not sure why none of my flights can be at a time that does not leave me feeling a bit like a walking zombie.  (I’m just assuming how walking Zombie’s feel) and (I don’t really believe in Zombies), but when I am weak…Someone else’s strength is more real to me.  I will boast in and be thankful for my weakness for just that reason. His grace is always sufficient for me.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)  I’m not nearly such a boss when I’m tired and cold and have some kind of inner ear/sinus thing happening.  But, He.  He is a boss.  The mountains He moves…  I pray wherever you are as you read this you might stop and ask where He is in your life?  Have you looked for him?  Jeremiah 29:13-14.

I’m at my fun friend’s house now smelling crock pot chicken and mashed potatoes. I've already started faking a Canadian accent.  It just happens, and I don't know how to stop it.  I’m all checked into their guest room, and am feeling at home, far away from home.  Happy sigh.

Flying into Canada looks a lot different than flying into South America… Here was the view out my window earlier today. I was a little intimidated by the forecasted temperature.  And it is cold, but it is still planet Earth.  People are walking around.  No one is a frozen statue as soon as they walk outside.  Groceries are being bought, coffee is being drunk.  Schools are in session.  Church doors are open.  Cars are driving around with people inside of them.  It's just cold.   I like it up here.


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We arrived in Bogota well past my bedtime several days ago to temperatures in the 70's, sweet friends, and something in the air that made the space between my eyes swell up and my head throb. After a couple of Benadryl that expired in 2012, I was feeling better and ready for the week. Here are some sites as we walked to and from the church and our training events. 


A Market.

It was Sunday lunch time, and still Christmas in Bogota.




There is amazing graffiti in Colombia.   




Bogota out our hotel window.
We had a few days of meetings and training with our partners from around this part of Colombia. I’m so honored to meet and work with these people. These friends. After our first two days of meetings and training we had some free time before our flight to Medellin for the next training. So our friends took us on a road trip to see the Cathedral de Sal Zipaquira. It was an underground salt cavern that has been turned into a walk through the stations of the cross of the Via Dolorosa.  The grand finale is a cross carved out of salt so high I can’t describe it. My first panic attack (in what feels like another life now) was in an underground cavern in Branson, MO (scary place), but this time there was no panic, no attack. I’ve been made new. 





My alarm went off this morning at 3:45. I thought I would dread that, but I was in the middle of a weird nightmare, so the alarm going off was welcome. Actually all three of our alarms went off at 3:45. We didn’t want to oversleep. So a melodic dinging, a buzzer, and the song 10,000 Reasons brought us out of our short nights sleep. We’ve got a flight to catch. The 8 hour drive to Medellin turns into a 45 minute flight when you lift off the roads that wind around the mountains and into the sky where it’s a straight shot. We met another group of pastors in Medellin who flew in from a coastal town in Colombia where they have begun a Hope ministry. Our first stop was a Hope Center near an apartment community. I speak a few words of Spanish, (“donde es el bano” being probably the most vital) but I understand maybe 2 words. So when meeting partners I pray a lot and become an official picture taker, hugger and cliché American trying to speak the few High School Spanish words I remember. We discussed plans for this week that would include a trip far outside cities I’ve heard of. It had already been confirmed a few days before we left the U.S. that I would not go on that portion of the trip. They say I don’t look Latina. (What?!?) A Hope Center counselor looked at me, not knowing I wasn’t planning to go, and said in her broken English “She has to hide her eyes in dark glasses and shut up.” They told her la gringa was not going. We laughed, and in my mind I drifted off to my happy place. Later, I was told the deeper reason why it was best that we not go. The pain that region has experienced is heartbreaking, and stirs up a lot of anger. I’m so thankful God sees their pain and has led the pastor who is now working with Hope to travel there and serve them. He cannot talk about them without crying. His love for them is deep and outloud. He is giving his life to lead them to Jesus so they not only experience life transformation, but they come to know the transforming Savior. Jesus is the point. Jesus is the hope. He is the reason for everything. 

The plan was to drive straight to our hotel (with hot water which is necessary to specify), but they decided we needed to see “el grande piedra.” I thought, a rock? But this is a little more than a big rock. It was worth the drive. We paid for it with a late night again, as it pushed our next meeting back a couple of hours. But, how often would we get to see that rock? I have a new magnet to put on my fridge to commemorate the visit. 


The Rock of Guatape.
Then it was training day. I love training day. It is when I get to experience God’s faithfulness in a different way than any other day. There are language barriers and cultural barriers and He breaks through them all. According to His word, I pray for His word, His leading, His presence, His will, and in ways I cannot always describe He does all of it. He leads the conversations in directions of His planning, because it certainly isn’t mine. It is such a gift to be so incapable (can’t speak their language, can’t relate to their specific cultural histories or perspectives); that we get to experience Him without the clutter of our own expectations through our times together. It grows my faith and courage to see Him work through us, in-spite of us. Sometimes we have language barriers even when we all speak English, and cultural barriers even when we live in the same town. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, (Proverbs 3:5) and cross some barriers.   

The training was in the first Baptist church in Medellin founded by American missionaries many years ago. I was tired, a little emo, and got overwhelmed thinking about the footsteps we were walking in. I am so thankful for their faith and courage. I wonder what God did in their hearts, how he united them, comforted them, provided for them, entrusted them to be there. I hope they get to see a glimpse of the church their faith built and the fruit of their labor there.  


Peeking into the sanctuary.  

View out a window of Hope. 

Medellin is surrounded by mountains, and the mountains are covered with homes.

A historic church in a little town called Santa Fe de Antioquia.
I’m home now. Met my family at church today. Sang “Jesus At The Center Of It All” with the people of the Church I worship with on Sunday. And I deeply rejoiced at who He is; and let those words sink deeper and deeper into my heart, praying they would flow out more and more through my life. Rejoice is a word I’m focused on this year. A woman at our ministry encouraged us to pray for a word, and I did, and this is the one that kept coming at me. I wanted my word to be Divergent, but it wasn't.  Rejoice is a great word.  As the Lord has graciously directed and redirected my life, He has helped me see more clearly and be better at thanksgiving (thankfully).  But, Rejoice is one I think I need to practice.  Rejoice seems like thankfulness kicked up a notch with gladness and maybe a little appropriate dancing.  The Bible discusses rejoicing in trials and suffering for we know the outcome, and also rejoicing in gladness and praise for the good the Lord has done.  Come what may, this will be a year of Rejoicing. Rejoice. He is truly the center of it all. 

I'll let you know how it goes. 
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