Gracefully Frank

(Sometimes as we look at where we are today, it's good to remember where we once were so we can celebrate and report on God's faithfulness. I can tell you he is faithful, because of personal experience of times he called me into a wilderness of unknowns and led me to his promise. I first wrote this post on September 3, 2013 soon after I was offered my role in international ministry. God was gracious to confirm the decision so that I had complete confidence in him, even when my confidence in myself wasn't so sure.)

I sat down to write about what is going on and it fell out like this. The numbers are links for you to click on...

Once upon a time there was a little girl who never dreamed of going anywhere. She liked where she was. She didn’t like everything about where she was, but she certainly didn’t want to be anywhere else. She had grown up believing in the King who had come to save her 1, and she tried her best to honor him. But one day, when she hadn't been paying much attention to him at all, and was actually right in the middle of denying him 2, he began calling to her 3. She had believed in him before, but this time she chose to follow him with her whole heart. He asked her to come away with him, so she went 4. While there, he showed her that he was the King of Everywhere 5. She thought she had known that all along, but she realized she wasn’t really going the way she should go, if that was what she truly believed 6. He showed her that there was nowhere she could ever go where he wasn’t there, waiting on her 7. And that he had loved her and had taken care of her all along, because He had plans for her 8. He became her shelter and protector 9. Sometimes he led her through a wilderness to humble and test her, and provided her manna when there was nothing else 10. He would send her rain when she prayed for it 11. He would make his face to shine upon her 12. He counted her tears and comforted her when news of loved ones from home made her cry 13. He strengthened her, dealt bountifully with her and gave her rest 14, 15. When she lifted her eyes to the hills she could always see him there 16. In the morning he reminded her that he loved her, and told her the way she should go because she trusted him 17. Where he went, she went. His people were her people 18. If she had been longing to return to the land from which she had come, she could have gone. But, she stayed with him in the new land and he was proud of her 19. When she told him her foot was slipping he supported her; and when her anxiety was great, he consoled her and gave her joy 20. When she put her hope in him, he taught her the paths she should take and her heart was not sick 21, 22. When there were giants he gave her stones to sling 23. When there were words to be said he placed them on her tongue 24. When there were journeys to take he lit her path by day and by night 25. He did all of this because she was weak, but he was strong 26. He saved her, quieted her and sang over her 27. He gave her a new heart and courage 28, 29. Then he led her on a new path, lighting the way as he smoothed the road ahead of her 30.

That is who Jesus is.

Through God’s word we come to know his character. Each of the verses used through this story are written on little cards on my desk. I’ve leaned on them to remind me of who God is, when all I can feel is who I am not. The Bible tells the literal stories of Israel and Jesus Christ, to teach us who God is, and who we are. He wants us to know Him. He wants us to trust Him when He tells us He has a plan for us, and to go where He sends us.

Which next week, will be back to Sri Lanka. Last month I accepted a new position at Hope For The Heart in our International Department. Guess what that means. A big part will be travel. Which if you read this blog, you know is not my strong suit. My literal job now is to daily accept that His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness. To daily call out to him, and have to trust him beyond my own perceived strengths. What an uncomfortable and perfect gift. “What are you the worst at Haley?” “Fear.” “Well, let’s do that then. My love will cast it out. And I’m going to prove myself to you and through you. You can say no. You can always say no and run your own show, you did it that way for a long time. I'll bless you. You'll have some of what you want, and some of what I'll allow to shape you into who I created you to be...but, as Creator of all heavens and earth...my plans for you will be better. And, you can start today. I heard you cry out for me. I'm here. I've always been here. I know it doesn't look like you thought. I know your concerns, Haley. So, is it a yes, or a no?" "It's a yes." "Ok, then. I will equip you. I am making you new. You are not who you were, so quit telling yourself you are." (this is a condensed representation, not recreation, of an ongoing conversation in my faith walk with God.)

Since the beginning of the year I have felt confident that things were changing. I have believed and shared with friends that I felt by this Fall I would have some clarity on a new direction. I’ve had a few thoughts on what those changes might be (I always do, and thanks to those who listened to me dream and pursue and wonder). I’ve taken some steps, done what I believe God has shown me to do in regards to those things and trust him with all outcomes. Love unconditionally. Reach out when He shows me. Say yes when he prompts me. Go where He sends me. Stay loose, hopeful and sure in Him only. Months ago I noticed I was consistently catching the time "8:16" either AM or PM on my phone, microwave clock, clocks at work, clocks on computers. At first I thought I was just realizing that I noticed it more because it is mom and dad’s address is 816 and they had just put their house on the market. So it was just registering to me. But, it kept going, to the point that it was getting comical. Like on Evan Almighty and Gen 6:14, I was seeing 8:16 constantly. So, I looked up all the books in the Bible that have a chapter 8, verse 16 and one pierced my heart. Deuteronomy 8:16, “He who fed you in the wilderness with manna that your fathers did not know, that he might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end.” I can’t really explain all the ways that verse is a direct hit for me. Manna has been a big part of my life, taking on many forms, since going back to school. Humbling and testing…let me count the ways (even today.) But, the line ”to do you good in the end." That was a promise God gave me before I left Tulsa, one particularly difficult day as I was grappling with the plans He was showing me to leave there and go to Seminary. He does me good daily, but I knew when I left Tulsa and when I read this verse again for the first time earlier this summer, that God was up to something specific. I shared this 8:16 business with a few friends and a few of my family members earlier this summer and we have laughed about what it might mean beyond knowing God was encouraging me with Deuteronomy 8:16.

When I was first approached about this new job, I was so surprised at the option of it, and honestly I wasn’t really sure. My heart was still in a couple of directions that I had been feeling God opening me to. One direction, was back to Oklahoma. But, as July drew to a close, I began to believe God may be leading me to stay right where I was. Deep breath. He was calling me to this plan in particular through others, through His word and through the Holy Spirit. The time frame was unknown. I went from hearing, “Maybe, January,” to “Things seem to be moving fast.” All of a sudden, after a couple of weeks of not hearing anything, on a Thursday I got a meeting request e-mail asking if I could meet with my new boss and our HR director the next day, Friday, 8-16-13. I was offered this new position on 816. They had no idea the significance of the numbers. But, I did. I hadn’t specifically asked for a fleece moment, but God is so gracious and responds to our needs so personally. I’m thankful he had been preparing me to be confident in this direction for months. This is His plan. And as I’m learning…His plans are better than mine. His timing is better than mine. He will do what He says He will do. And all we have to do is say “yes.”

He is faithful and trustworthy, and fun. Have you truly sought him for His plans for you? His plans for you in the next conversation you will have, decision you will make, prayer you will utter? He loves you. He's been there all along, and when you call on Him, he will come running. It may not look like you ask, or it may look exactly like you ask. His plans for all of us are tailored to us. My story won't be yours. But, God's character and faithfulness to you will be the same for all of us who come to Him through following the King. King Jesus. What is your story? Maybe take a minute today to think about where you are with him now, and where he may be leading you next. If he has led you to a wilderness, the path is leading to his promise.

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I’ve always leaned a little toward scrambled eggs. I like mine with ketchup. I like fried eggs about as often as I like shrimp: once or twice a year. Today it’s raining. I love that; and breakfast for lunch at Angela’s, formerly known as Daisy’s, sounded delightful. I use that word sparingly. But, delightful for me can equal writing a little, walking in the rain a little, people watching a little, and just enjoying a little. Today turned out to be a fried egg day. Mostly I only like fried eggs that were made at Wrangle Heights or my mom’s kitchen. They always knew what I meant when I said “not very runny.” That doesn’t communicate as easily to waiters who didn't grow up with me, and aren't as invested in nurturing me. My waiter didn’t punch me when I said “not very runny” (lucky for him, because I'm Irish) but I think I got a little bit of a “what does that mean” look. He probably would rather I be able to articulate what I really want. So I googled “how to order a fried egg.” Here is what I learned. (P.S. in advance: We don’t have shirred eggs where I come from.)

Over Easy – A fried egg that is flipped and cooked yolk side down only long enough to create a film over the top of the yolk, leaving the center of the yolk liquid.

Over Medium – A fried egg flipped, unbroken yolk, yolk cooked to have a firm but wet-appearing center.

Over Hard – A fried egg that is flipped and cooked yolk side down until the yolk has completely cooked through.

Poached – Eggs that have been removed from their shell and then cooked in a hot liquid. The cooking liquid can be water, broth, or any sauce. Poaching in water is often used as a way to cook eggs without having to use extra fat. Poaching in broth or sauce adds flavor to the cooked egg.

Scrambled – Raw egg whites and yolks are beaten together and then cooked in a skillet. The beaten egg mixture is gently agitated as it sets to create a curdled texture.

Shirred – Eggs that have been baked in a ramekin (sometimes with butter, cream or other sauces) until the whites have set but the yolk is still liquid.

Sunny Side Up – A fried egg that is never flipped or cooked yolk side down. The whites cook until completely or partially set while the yolk remains liquid.

I learn so much writing this blog. Moral to the story: Say what you mean. Mean what you say. People don’t necessarily know your familial dialect, or what you’re thinking. If you don’t have the main-stream vocabulary to say what you mean…maybe google it. Fortunately, my waiter today speaks Wrangle Heights, and “not very runny” brought me back a perfect fried egg. He also brought me bacon, when I clearly spoke the word "sausage." It’s not a perfect system. However, even saying it the wrong way is better than saying nothing at all. If I had just stared at him when he came to take my order, I wouldn’t have gotten any eggs, or bacon. Next time I’ll know to say over-medium.

Yesterday, I found myself across the table again from a friend I’ve loved for over 15 years. We had a cold drink, some nachos to share, old times and new times to discuss, and then when we didn’t think we could get any happier a Brooks And Dunn song from back in our day came on in the restaurant. We had to just stop for a second and bask in the moment. Nearly giddy. Apparently, we are pretty easy to please. Sherman, TX is a halfway point for us to meet. I don’t think either of us ever expected that would be the case. But, it has become our place. Her husband and three kids are so great to let her have that time away. Thanks Kenny. :) I know I’m a better person for it. We went from place to place for hours just talking. Talking about what God is doing in our lives, the ministries he has given us, how faithful he is to guide us (even when we weren’t asking him to), and how good he is to carry us up the mountains we may not have the strength or understanding to climb ourselves. Before the night was over there was a little ice cream, a little coffee, and little browsing, a lot of laughing, a little crying. She is always worth the drive, worth the effort to find the vocabulary to say what I mean, and mean what I say. Hopefully, vice versa. Good friends help us sort through tangles, and find our words. Good friends > Google. We may come up with the wrong answer, but at least we'll be on the same page, together.

I don’t write a food blog, or a counseling blog, or a devotional blog, or travel blog, or mommy blog, coupon blog, photography blog, fashion blog (although, I could write a jean skirt blog, anyone?), or music blog, politics blog, or even always grammatically correct blog. But, if you smash all of that together and run it through a blender (or a ringer whichever you prefer), and you add a dash of tmi, suspense, joy, love, memories, friendship, hope and thankfulness for God’s grace then you have this blog…I think. It’s kind of muckeldy dunn. You don’t know what that means? In my family I think it means kind of a mish mash. Don’t know what that means? Maybe, Google it. Those are the only words I have . Or, meet me for coffee and we can talk about it. Good friends > Google.

All that to say: Here is a little musical part of this blog. The Decemberists. Everyone else may already know about them, but I didn’t. And, I love them. Everyone has different musical tastes, but if you've liked any of the music I've mentioned before, you may like The Decemberists, and I think they are worth sharing. Here is a playlist of their music that I really, really enjoy listening to. Especially, on rainy Sunday afternoons, when I get to write a little, and have a little breakfast for lunch at my favorite neighborhood diner. Think "indie folk" according to the world wide web. I hear a twinge of Ireland, but maybe that’s just my ears. I tend to listen for Ireland. Whatever it is, I like it.

The Decemberisits:
Don’t Carry It All Click Here To Listen

Rox In The Box

Down By The Water

The Crane Wife 3 Click Here To Listen

Calamity Song

This Is Why We Fight

June Hymn

January Hymn

Sons & Daughters

Rise To Me Click Here To Listen

I hope this blog leaves you with a little more confidence to order your egg fried, in case like me, that was a confidence you were lacking. I hope this blog leaves you thinking of a friend you want to spend some time with, and that you do it. And, I hope this blog leaves you with a few new songs to enjoy.

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Time is on my writing’s nemesis list. So, I’m not a daily or weekly blogger. But, when something sparks and I have a recurring thought that keeps nagging to be typed out, all of a sudden time is defeated and like tonight, I find myself sitting here with some of it on my side…listening to Ingrid Michaelson and The Lumineers and typing. I can’t write to Mumford and Sons. I get too excited. I can get a little distracted listening to the lyrics I’m listening to now, but they are about love and relationships and that goes along with this nagging thing I want to write about. So here we go… love and relationships.

Even if you recognize the first few words in the picture below...go ahead and read it all the way through slowly. Think about what these words mean. They aren't just pretty words. They are directions. They are the way to love. To reach love. To recognize love. To do love.

(1 Corinthians 13:4–8)

Over the last few months I have used one very important contrast list from HFTH resources in counseling. It's a practical list that helps us recognize the difference between love and lust. Most often the context is a romantic relationship when we speak about this difference, but aside from passion the lists can apply to any relationship because we are called to love one another, deeply, from a pure heart (1 Peter 1:22). The difference between love and lust is the difference between selfish and selfless; between fleeting and forever. Temporary and Enduring (as you'll read below). God's word is a life map for us. And the lists below are one way to consider "am I applying God's word, in particular 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, to my actions? or do I just know the verses?" This is the difference between head-knowledge and a heart change that brings freedom and grace into our lives, and in the case of this verse love; and how we break out of the same recurring defeating patterns we've always walked through. I love helping people walk through sinking His word into their hearts. I am broken and so thankful when it sinks into mine.

As you read the lists below, think about relationships you look back on and miss, relationships you are in, relationships you want to be in…

Lust Is:	Love Is:
Temporary Sudden Untrustworthy Impatient Faithless Uncontrolled desire Emotionally shallow Based on fantasy Full of emotion Driven by one's passion Focused on external looks Established on faulty reasoning Set on getting happiness Eager to get	Enduring Gradual Unselfish Trustworthy Patient Faithful Controlled desire Emotionally deep Based on reality Full of devotion Chosen by one's will Focused on internal character Established on solid reasoning Set on giving happiness Eager to give

What list do your relationships fall under? 1) Your past relationships that somehow seem to have grown in romance and melancholy the further you are from them. What list were they truly under? 2) Your current relationships that are either chemically charged with a touch of chaos (things that aren’t considered good in any other realm of existence, except roller coasters) or calm. 3) The relationships you may want and the vision you have of them. What list do they fall under? The thing is we all get to choose. But, hopefully we choose with full disclosure of what we are choosing. (Recognizing we have choices seems to be a recurring theme with me) According to 1 Corinthians Love Is….not what many times we look for to indicate love, that are often found in the first list: sudden, uncontrolled desire, eager to get. We can’t say we want love, and operate out of lust because they are not the same thing. It’s like saying I want to go to California, and then driving east because you see bright lights. You are still on a trip with some exciting stops along the way, but you are going to end up in New Jersey…and ain’t nobody got time for that. So with these lists in mind, what should you let go of or hold on to, if loving well is your goal? Remember, you get to choose. You cannot choose for someone else, but you can choose for yourself. And it's not all about what you are willing to give, you also get to consider what you are being given (ladies), and trust God with your future instead of just trying to make the present work.

That being typed...if we want love, we have to operate in love and be patient. Kind. Not envious of the other, or showy, or not humble. If it’s love that we want to give and receive, we can’t be rude, or be thinking about what am I getting out of this?. Because love doesn't do those things; not through you, or to you. We can’t keep track of hurts and bring them back up to win a battle down the road. We don’t get to be glad when the other is brought low, but rather so grateful when truth creeps into their life even in painful ways. We have to protect. Always Hope and never give up...without counting the cost.

We can’t feed on or off of one another for our own benefit, but nourish each other and experience the fruit of that together. We can’t love who we want someone to be. That’s fantasy. When it is truly love, we get to love them for who they are, where they are…just as Christ does. While spurring them on as their identity is being conformed to the image of Him...just as the Holy Spirit does. Whether it's our Beloved, our child, our friend.

Temporary or enduring? The temporary doesn’t truly lead to the enduring. It can lead to resignation and even commitment, but the frustrations/dysfunctions of being built on the temporary don't go away until the relationship is redeemed through Christ, who is Love, and teaches us to love. Unconditionally. Not co-dependently. Not manipulatively. Not desperately. Just unconditionally. Freely. Graciously. It is never too late to grow love, even years into a relationship that may be founded on something else. True love leads to deep devotion to one another, desire for each other, and joy in each other. It is patient, trustworthy, devoted, and good, even in the midst of bad.

As we work through this list some have realized they are still watching for indications from the first list to prove love. They don’t trust what they don’t recognize: patient, controlled, focused on their internal character, eager to give to them and not take from them. Still watching for indications they have successfully enticed, not watching for indications of potential love. And, they are at times dissatisfied because there is an itch they are used to relieving that is not being scratched. Persevere. Practice love. Walk in Love's direction and see where it goes. The deceptive itch will subside and we will all get better at recognizing the real deal... Holyfield. (I can't say the real deal without saying Holyfield.)

Several are already in relationships they know weren’t built on love, or at least aren’t operating in love now. The good thing is they can start operating today in love. Redeeming love. The love Christ pours into them for one another. They have the option to begin operating out of love simply...out of love and obedience to Christ. We all have that option in every relationship. And obedience leads to blessing. Google that. Even your kneading trough will be blessed (Deuteronomy 28). “Love one another” and leave it to God where He wants to take it. Don’t love to get love, you already are loved; or to manipulate the person into conformity to your image, God already has a plan for their image. Just love. God will supply your needs. Love is never wasted, unless you had aspirations of what you would get for it. And then, it wasn't really love to begin with.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–8)

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After my last post I joined my co-workers for a late dinner in the hotel before heading to the airport at midnight Dubai time. Time becomes kind of a non-factor after a while, and the Dubai Airport is kind of amazing. Both understatements. There were military guards throughout the airport wearing sage green uniforms, all built exactly the same as if genetically modified, and wearing red patent leather boots. I really wanted to take a picture of them, but also I really didn't want to get arrested. The ceilings and columns and lights and fountains are seriously beautiful. They put on a good show. We met three college grads from Texas in the customs line. They were headed to Thailand for a graduation trip. Brave kids. I was hoping to get a little sleep on that 5 hour flight from Dubai to Colombo, and I ended up sleeping the whole time. Except for about a 15 minute window where I opened my eyes for a second and realized the sun was about to rise. Watching the sun rise from an airplane is awesome. But really, watching the sunrise from anywhere is awesome.

Then we landed in Sri Lanka. Their airport looks a little different.

It reminded me a lot of the Addis Ababa airport. I think I feel about Addis, like the cliche thought that we think of our first love fondly our whole life. (Unless your first love was a jerk, then it's not a good comparison.) Going to Ethiopia with Jess was the first time I knew for sure God was calling me to go, and what He did through that trip has strengthened me for each journey since. We got checked into our hotel, and had a few hours to rest before having lunch with attendees, who by the weekend became friends. Thursday night we had a time of worship together and introductions. All day Friday and Saturday we conducted the conference sessions. Saturday afternoon the majority of us took an excursion into Colombo before having one final session and dinner on the beach together to close out the conference. The hotel had a DJ set up on the beach as their Saturday night entertainment, and they played songs from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack and what must have been Billy Ocean's greatest hits album. Surreal moment #432 "Am I really having dinner on a beach in Sri Lanka listening to Hungry Eyes?" On Sunday, one of my co-workers got on a plane to India to do another few days of trainings. The three of us that remained went to a church service with some new friends, toured the orphanage they are building, the daycare they are running, and then went to the site of the newest Hope Center they are opening in the slums of Colombo. I am not sure they ever sleep.

Our hotel.

Our friends.

Dwelling places.

Our excursion.

They have beautiful smiles, but they don't show them when a camera is pointed at them.

Slum area.

The first stacking chair in the new Hope Center. Phil talks a lot about stacking chairs, keeping the cost as low as possible, and having seating for as many people as possible.

In counseling, and especially in the ministry I work for, we talk a lot about getting to the heart of the matter. Here is the heart of the matter of this trip for me: "And my God will supply all of your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19. I remember thinking of this after leaving Ethiopia, how in a place where watering systems aren't available, God sends the rain every day to water their crops to feed their people. He meets their needs. In Sri Lanka you see King Coconuts everywhere. They are like big empty coconuts with sterilized water for drinking. Literally, the water grows on trees. They have turned their back on God, choosing to worship man made idols that offer no hope only rules, and yet The God who created them still supplies their needs by the fruit of the tree. His eye is on the sparrow, even while allowing them the consequences of their choices, and while He waits for them to be told of His grace.

She is selling king coconuts.

I was constantly noticing the blank stares of the people on the roadsides with no life in their eyes in drastic contrast to the life in the eyes of those who have accepted Christ as their living water. They are washed clean and the Hope they have found has brought them new life. They cried out for it after years of war, and God heard their cry. He answered the prayers of the faithful and the repentant and He is on the move. "For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." 2 Chronicles 16:9 We heard several share their testimony of how God has completely changed their lives since attending the widows conference our director helped conduct in February. They talked about how they have prayed for ways to go beyond just meeting the physical needs, but to meet the emotional and spiritual needs of those in their war torn communities. They are the ones doing the hard work, and we had the privilege of help being a part of how God is equipping them for that calling. Because of who He is, they are not who they were. Me, too. They shared with us the story of this woman, who is a war widow, and how she had acquired poison and was planning on taking her life and the lives of her two children. The ladies working in the new Hope Center stopped by her home to just do a home visit not knowing what they would find. Through them, God supplied her needs with people who care, food for her table, listening ears, and now a church home. I wonder what plans He has for her sons.

Faces of Hope.

Faith in God gives us Hope. Choose wisely where you put your faith though, because there are many choices out there that don't lead to hope, but to despair. Years of despair. Generations of despair. And despair leads to blank stares. But, Hope leads to determined vision, and that is what we saw in the faces of those at the conference. Faith, Hope, great Love and a determined vision. Sounds a lot like what I'm seeing in the pictures and reports coming out of Moore, as I returned home to the news of the tornado. I heard about it just 20 minutes or so before I got on a nearly 17 hour flight home. At the time, there were still a few friends that hadn't been heard from as I turned off my phone and boarded the plane. As I prayed on the flight, a world headline came on the airplane screen announcing that 91 people had been lost. What a still sad relief to learn it was so many less than that, and that my friends and family were affected, but safe.

I am so moved by how God is supplying their needs through one another as it is always done in Oklahoma. Where God is given the praise, as the work is being done. I'm seeing facebook posts of friends in Ponca loading up trucks, offering their homes and help, and I am reminded of just how much I love Oklahoma (and Ponca friends). I know many of you probably saw Harry Smith say to Brian Williams "If you are waiting on the government for help, you'll be waiting a long time, but these Baptist Men, they will get it done tomorrow." The Baptist Men are just one organization of the many churches who are helping and loving those affected. They are known in particular because of their Faith, Hope and great Love, lived out in times of devastation. God has given them a great ministry of mercy and they honor Him well. Our God is an awesome God who hears us when we pray, gives us water when we are thirsty (either bottled or in a king coconut), and regardless of whether or not we thank Him because He is merciful. In Sri Lanka most don't thank Him as they are praying to thousands of gods, and decorating for "lord Buddha's birthday" as their elderly are literally sitting on the side of the road among trash. But God is watching for hearts that are looking for Him, and He moves mountains to get to them. In Moore, thanking Him comes a little more naturally, because we live in a land that is blessed from being founded on faith...even as that faith is being more and more rejected in the land. I pray faith grows in their hearts and minds in Who He truly is as they help carry the burdens of one another through this tragedy. In the end only one thing remains, our relationship with God through Jesus Christ who brought Hope into this world. Faith in Him, leads to assurance of Heaven (being in the presence of God instead of out of His presence) of which we hope for and peace in this life in the midst of all circumstances either war-torn, or tornado-torn. God gives us strength and supplies to do the work at hand because He has given us a great love for one another. Love that expresses itself through compassion, service, sacrifice and joy.

"The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers (blank stares), so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay (treasure = Hope through Christ, jars of clay= our lives) to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:4-9 (see Moore, OK and Sri Lanka)

Our last night in Sri Lanka, we rode in a Tuk Tuk to go eat Pizza Hut pizza, and we weren't wearing seat belts.

My view from the Tuk Tuk.

Monday morning, which was Sunday evening here in CST, we flew back to Dubai for a 14 hour layover. We were bone tired, but for $30 US dollars you can take a 4 hour tour of the city. Had it been a 3 hour tour I would not have gone.

Dubai looks like a comic book city.

World's tallest building.

As we entered an old museum, the calls to prayer began ringing out over the city from the tower on the right.

Thank you again for your prayers for this trip, and for going along with me through pictures and this blog.

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Like clockwork, I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm went off this morning. It seems like everyday is busy, but today is one of those days that my busy looks a lot different than normal…again. Before my trip to India I was packed a week early. I was a little nervous leading up to that adventure. Last night I started putting it all in the suitcase about 8:30. The Lord has fought and won that battle for me. I’m not who I was. I got up this morning and walked in to push the on button on my single cup coffee maker, slid in a Tully’s Italian Roast Extra Bold k-cup, my favorite when I don’t French Roast Café Bustello in the morning. Have I mentioned I really really like a good cup of coffee? Then, I sat still with the Lord, and Moses and Jethro in Exodus where Jethro threw a little wisdom down and helped Moses with some strain he was experiencing. Then spent a little time thanking God for so much I can’t express and talked with him about some other things like this trip, this day, where He is leading, how he is getting me there, and prayed for some people I love.

Then I went for my walk around the park. I love music, I may have mentioned that before as well. And there are a lot of songs I like to hear in the morning. But, today I walked to David Crowder Band’s “For A Thousand Tongues To Sing” on repeat. I have two doves that seem to live in an iris patch that reminds me of home. Her name is Harriet. I don’t know what his name is. They walk through the irises every morning as I go through there. The old me would have not thought it was possible to go for a walk before going to the airport. My anxiousness would have kept me home kind of white-knuckle praying for safety. I am not who I was, and I enjoyed my walk.

Click Here to listen: http://youtu.be/AWekq9bHtKU

I arrived at DFW and met up with three friendly faces I work with, that I get to share this journey. All four of us with totally different histories, but for this time our paths all line up. It is nice to share (pause for bumpy going through cloud ride….we’re lifting up out of the clouds now and it is starting to get a little smoother….blue sky back in view….uhhh more cloud, more bump, my face is like this :(. I’ve been watching Pete’s Dragon on the Disney favorites channel. I haven’t seen this in years. My brother and I used to watch it. In my mind we watched it a lot, but it may have only been a couple of times, but I know we watched it together. Little sisters remember stuff like that. The dragon always reminded me of my Uncle Zeke. More bumpy flight. “I will uphold you with my righteous right-hand” I like to think of His righteous right hand under the belly of the plane, with Him flying it around. Don’t judge. It gets me where I’m going. Back to Uncle Zeke. He didn’t have teeth and neither does Pete’s Dragon. That is the kind of thing that sticks out to a little kid I think. Uncle Zeke only wore zip up coveralls, and is one of two men that ever lived that my Grandpa Corky’s dog Gretch ever bit. The other man wore zip up coveralls too. Gretch hated men in zip up coveralls. Ugh this is a bumpy flight which is why I’m rambling as I write this. I’m trying to focus on something and not freak out. Kind of like Chunk did in Goonies when the Fertelli’s were going to put his hand in the blender. He just started telling stories. I’m just typing as this plane gets knocked around. Reminding myself to breathe I just realized the bumps have stopped. Clock says 12 hours and 39 more minutes to Dubai, I hope that is the last of it. Or you may get to read more about doves at that park (where some turbulance began) Goonies and Uncle Zeke. He would be worth reading about, but that's not my story to tell.

Uh...That wasn’t the last of it. First of all there was a bump in the dinner as they ran out of saffron chicken before they got to our aisle. The other options were some kind of kidney bean veggie dish (public service announcement: don’t eat beans on a plane) or the lamb. I had lamb. I think for the first time ever. I don’t remember ever having lamb before. After Anne, Yasmin and I, the women of row 34 seats A, B and C (I’m in the window seat) finished eating our meals and visiting a little. I know a lot more about Anne than Yasmin, but both ladies were very nice, I decided to listen to music for a while. I listened to one song and then the flight got bad somewhere high above Canada. Pull it together Canada! It was probably the worst turbulence I’ve ever been in, Yasmin and Anne agreed. It felt bad there for a minute. I couldn’t write to distract myself…and I might have cried just a little bit. As it really started to get bad the song on my playlist changed: “Walking stumbling, on these shadow feet…” ok I like this song focus on the words...chorus: “When the world is falling out from under me…” Panic. Lord! I don’t want the world to fall out from under me!!! Not funny. Pulling my phone out to change the song the next words “Ill be found in You, still standing…” Ok. I’m going to ride out this turbulence and I’m not going to change this song. Figuratively the world has fallen out from under me before. Now I’m in a literal position for it to do so…but I’ll be found in You, still standing.” I’m not who I was. He has made me new. He makes me new. Sometimes I don’t enjoy it. Sometimes my gut drops out from under me, but He is faithful regardless of the smoothness of the ride. I kept reminding Him that He calms the sea with just a word, and I asked Him to speak calm into the wind. Then He reminded me while the guys on the boat were panicking, he was resting because there was no need to panic. The seatbelt light is finally off. It’s 2:30 am Colombo time. I’m going to try to nap and breathe deep again. I did have an opportunity to share Isaiah 41:10 with Anne and Yasmin after that was all over. So, I would go through that again. But, I really bad don’t want to.

This is what airplane dinner looks like.

I was able to get some uncomfortable sleep. It’s kind of like spending 15 hours in a 4’x1’ box. If those calculations aren’t reasonable...whatever. It’s a small space. I didn’t get to watch all the movies I planned on watching. Timothy Keller is to blame. I’m reading The Meaning of Marriage. Don’t get hung up in the irony. It is a great book that I will start suggesting and buying for friends and family. Married or not. So good. Read it. Read anything he writes.

When I woke up, I looked up the onboard map of where we were. Flying over Bagdad. That’s where we were. Out of scud range though I’m sure. I saw an oil rig in the middle of the gulf burning. That was kind of cool. And several ships that I imagine were pirates. We are now entering our final dissent into 99 degree Dubai. We’ll have an 11 hour layover and have received hotel vouchers. So I’ll go to a room now and relax and stretch. Here is what flying into Dubai looks like out my window seat 34A.

There may be some green in these lawns, but everything is really mostly sand.

It’s funny that God would take someone who never wanted adventure outside of Oklahoma, and even prayed for predictable and safe and for life to look exactly like everyone else’s (in my mind), and breaks chains, increases passion and leads me here. What he does in me, isn’t just for me, it’s so that He may be lived through me, which is what we are going to Sri Lanka to do... And He isn’t scared of anything. I'm not who I was, because of who He is.

Pretty sure it wasn't Him in me that just paid $6 USD for a cup of coffee. It's about a 4 oz cup. We’ll leave for Sri Lanka at 2:45am Dubai time. Time means less and less the further from Dallas we get.

Someone likes playing with Instagram. :)

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One of the first symbolic acts I did after deciding to leave Tulsa was buy a red umbrella. No one ever made me carry black umbrellas for years, but I had chosen to as an act of conformity. Black umbrellas are perfectly fine, but my favorite color is red. Again, (and this is key) I had a choice all along, but I didn't live like I did. Then, once upon a time, God set me free from my own choices. He drew me with loving kindness...to snap out of it. So, I staged a rebellion against the path I was on, and I bought a red umbrella...even though there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Umbrellas have been popping up a lot lately.

In my counseling sessions it has become routine that I draw to help illustrate a point. When I draw it I talk less, and we both have something to look at and consider. So on my yellow notepad I will scribble out a scene as they've described it, or illustrate quickly a concept we are discussing about their circumstance. There is a reason some books come with pictures, why when you build a building you have floor plans, and why pictures capture a moment, a face, a sunset like our words may not always be able. We are visual. For some reason stick figures and circles and lines and x's and arrows and boxes and rain and umbrellas seem to help picture the story a client's words are saying. And, help them see the forest on the other side of the big dead tree they've carried into the room.

Picture an umbrella. A hand grasping it. Rain falling under the inside. I've seen this concept before, probably you have too.

So many of us are living under someone else's umbrella, where the rain falls inside soaking us with doubt and fear and hurt and anxiety and injustice and suspicions, faulty expectations, and ...and...and. What we don't realize is it is our own hand that is grasping the handle of the umbrella. We may not be able to make the umbrella go away...but we can lay it down. No one can make us carry an umbrella. We have a choice.

Sometimes putting the umbrella down takes a lot of effort on our part that may not seem fair. If you, like me or like them, when an opportunity for freedom and forgiveness and new life have been offered, have found yourself saying "but she," "but he," "but they," "but why," "if they would only" or "but I should be" ... You may be holding a reverse umbrella, that either you are grasping or someone else is holding over you. And, it is soaking you to the bone. It may take forgiveness. Humility. Letting go. Getting sober. Getting on a plane. Saying I'm sorry. Giving love unconditionally. Committing. Taking people at their word. Remembering that vengeance is God's, and so is justice. Or just laying a burden down, letting the Lord fight the battle. Not grasping the umbrella, choosing to let the rain drown you as you are striving to make them agree with you, love you, like you, take care of you, provide for you, show you the way, make you new, or give their life for you. Christ already did, does and will.

I have loved you with an everlasting love... Jeremiah 31:3
My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus... Philippians 4:19
Your ears will hear a word behind you, "this is the way, walk in it"... Isaiah 30:21
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come... 2 Corinthians 5:17
For Christ also died for sins once for all, for the just and the unjust, so that He might bring us to God... 1 Peter 3:18

We don't have to fix whoever gave us the umbrella, we just have to come out from under it. God will do the rest. I have experienced that, and get to witness that, so that I may testify to that. The surprise in doing the hard work of letting go is that sometimes even though the rain may continue to fall and that umbrella may still be laying in your yard (they may not change, cancer may still be present, consequences set in motion may still happen), we begin maybe for the first time ever to take one finger at a time off of the handle; allowing us to take the hand of God, and walk out into the sun where His promises are for you and great is His faithfulness... Even when no one else's is. God's grace for you isn't contingent on the beliefs or actions of anyone else lining up with your expectations. We can't look to others to fulfill His promise of salvation, justice, redemption, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. All of that is just between us and Him which takes a lot of pressure off of the people around us and relationships we are in.

Stage a rebellion against your own choices, beliefs and behaviors that have you grasping an umbrella that is drowning you. Lay it down. Love first, instead of waiting to love in response to. We were created in the image of God for a purpose...discover it. He wants you to know. Step out from under the umbrella where life is happening to you, and feel the sun on your face as you step into God's plans for you...plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 Prosperity and hope that have everything to do with your heart and making it new right where you are. And, the result is freedom. Real freedom."So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36 Freedom to lay it down and enjoy the sun that is already shining. How do we do this? Seek first the kingdom of God through His Word, His Church and His Spirit. Seek Him. Stop trying to make things/others right, and let Him make you right. He will show you the way. He will give you Freedom. Peace. Joy. Get to know Him, instead of trying to be known, understood or have justice. His Word says he already knows you, understands you and is your justice. Ungrasp. If you've never started before, maybe begin with the Book of John. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you declares the Lord... Jeremiah 29:13-14a. You are loved way beyond your imagination. Take His hand, and step out into the sun that will continue to shine even on rainy days.

Here are a couple of recent rainy and sunny moments captured in my own life. I didn't realize it was raining as I walked down the flights of stairs to go for a morning walk. My first thought was "well, I can't walk this morning." My second thought was, "yes, I can." Mix in a little rain, a little walking, and my favorite playlists and I about passed out from joy. Playing in the rain is much better than drowning in it.

Rain

This past Sunday afternoon I drove home to Texas after a weekend home in Oklahoma. (I know I used the word home twice.) I had a great weekend with people I love. I watched a movie in 3D with some m&m's and best friends, (PS I love Iron Man), and forfeited $5 in a card game that I couldn't stay awake to finish. I went toilet papering after midnight. Yes, I did. Watched a little Thunder. Sat on a back patio with one of my favorite people in the world talking about life, and then got in the car and drove in the direction of the Red River. I kept watching the sun lowering throughout my drive singing every word to every Mumford & Sons song because I am Still. Not. Over. Them. and thinking to myself this is going to be a pretty sunset, and then...it was. I took an exit, pulled off the road, got out of my car, walked to the wheat field and lived the last few minutes of it in person. (this is the way, walk in it) I'm so glad I did.

Sun

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Gracefully Frank

H.S.

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Gracefully Frank

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