Gracefully Frank

From January 2008, through February 2011, I lived in Fort Worth, TX. Its not that I necessarily had anything against Texas, but never in my life did I plan on living here. I seem to do a lot of things I never planned on doing. People have asked me why I left my job, and came back to school. It seemed crazy to some, to others I finally looked like myself for the first time in a long time. It was both the hardest and easiest personal decision I’ve ever made. Both chaos and peace. I haven't tried to write about that time. I probably will at some point. But this is not that story…

This story is about a home named Lady Bird Manor. In honor of the former First Lady from Texas: Lady Bird Johnson. I like to name the homes I live in. At first Lady Bird was home to me, Kim, Sarah & MariAnne. When Miss MariAnne became a Mrs., Krissie moved in. When Miss Krissie became a Mrs., Kayla moved in. When I graduated and moved out this past February, Allison took my place. Soon after our original move in date we thought it would be fun to have a photo shoot to decorate our new home. Not one of these were ever framed, but here is the result (first generation Lady Birds: Kim, MariAnne, Sarah, me):

 
                

      


Naming the house ended up helping us bond. We weren't just roommates...we were Lady Birds. That's kind of silly, but life is too short to not have some silly. As of tomorrow (forgive me for the following cheesy phrase) all the Lady Birds will have flown the coop. (I fought myself to not include that line, but there you have it.) We considered setting Lady Bird on fire. Thinking it might be better to watch her burn, than let someone else move in and not know how truly wonderful of a home she is. But since none of us are nuts, and we are too busy to go to prison, we have decided to just gracefully let her go; praying God bless the next tenants as much as he did us in our time living there. We hope they appreciate her, and have enough furniture to take full advantage of her spacious floor plan.

Our little home on South Dr. in Fort Worth, TX had a lot of old school style. Some fancy wallpaper, central speaker system throughout, wood-burning fireplace, working trash compactor, some indoor ironwork, and beautiful sanctuary of a backyard. In the 60's Lady Bird Manor would have been high class...like Lady Bird Johnson in her day...which is how our home got her name. For some reason it was just more fun to not just “go home,” but to go home to Lady Bird. It was more inviting to ask friends over for game night or to cookout at Lady Bird; to put on invitations for birthdays, going away and holiday parties: "Location: Lady Bird Manor." When Lady Bird's living room was a mess, geckos were climbing her walls and taking showers with us, water flooding her floors, her air-conditioner running non-stop, her grass too high, her fence falling down, ginormous possums roaming her backyard, or mice roaming her pantry we could scold her, and not each other. "Lady Bird your grass needs mowed," or "Lady Bird your kitchen is a mess."

Lady Bird's Back Porch

At Lady Bird "night-night" time was observed at a decent hour. Rainy Sunday afternoons were spent on the back patio with books and coffee and Jesus. There was a lot of coffee and Jesus. At Lady Bird if you didn't pay rent you didn't park in the driveway. At Lady Bird you could say out loud what was bottled up inside. Lady Bird's bushes were lovingly (and aggressively) trimmed, and her varieties of flowers in bloom year round thanks to Mr. Hernandez who built the house and designed her landscape. Lady Bird had twinkle lights that made the back yard magical at night, but added delight to the daytime just as often. Friends came to take Sunday afternoon naps at Lady Bird and curl up on one of her four couches under one of her many blankets. While preparing a meal one had more than adequate lighting in Lady Bird's kitchen. LB hosted the MMC bible study each Tuesday night. Lady Bird had her doorways anointed with oil and covered with prayer. Lady Bird's favorite movie was Anne of Green Gables. Lady Bird loved a good game night, and Karaoke always included Son of a Preacher Man and ended with Drops of Jupiter to mellow it all out. At Lady Bird slippers were in style, preferably pink. Lady Bird liked to play her music loud especially African worship music and Motown. Bath time at Lady Bird was a choreographed routine and serious business. Lady Bird had delicious chocolate chip cookies and really good bean dip, and her favorite ring tone went like this…"You are my strong tower...”

Lady Bird hosted study groups and showers; planned weddings and life after Seminary. Lady Bird showed a lot of grace for our moments of crazy; like the time I walked all the way to my room in the dark, angry that my car key clicker wasn’t turning the lights on (school can be hard on a person.) Fires were built, tears were shed, exclamations were exclaimed, papers were written, walls were brought down, hearts were strengthened, laughs were laughed, and love was shared, even when my speaker wasn’t, at Lady Bird Manor. I love you B's, and every friend who played with us, prayed with us, cried with us, ate with us, laughed with us, sang with us and shared not only Lady Bird Manor with us, but some of my favorite moments ever. Moments I never even planned on...

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11

Today I woke up crying. Music made me cry. Friends checking on me made me cry. The freckles on my face that I get from daddy made me cry. Today, I was a mess. Today, nothing had changed since yesterday. I still believed everything God has strengthened and encouraged me with, but I was ridiculously sad. Today was one of those days where I was best left alone, but sad to be alone. Today, I was just sad. Head to toe. Fingertip to fingertip. Along with all God is helping me understand in all of this, is the reality that my dad is hurting. My mom is hurting. I’m not irrational in this sadness. It is totally sane to be sad about what I’m sad about; and I am just sad about it. Always, and especially these past couple of weeks, God has been so good to uphold me through prayers and His peace; I just think today his goodness came to me through the release of tears that had been welling up for days and days and days. The well is about empty now. I had been sneak crying at my desk, and out and out crying when I could step away, trying to discreetly reapply make-up…I cried and cried to the point where it kind of started to make me laugh. May as well.

I wish I was one of those adorable little embroidered handkerchief criers who look lovely in a sundress sitting on a park bench with the sun reflecting off the highlights in my hair as silent tears gently glisten down my soft cheek and the string section sets my sorrow to music. I am not. Once I get to crying I’m a lips swollen, eyes puffy, mascara running, pitching a fit kind of crier. Remember the scene in Hope Floats where Birdie cries when her jerk dad leaves? I'm that kind of crier. Today would not be a good day for me to watch Hope Floats. I probably wouldn't make it. I googled "ugly cry face." And besides a lot of pictures of James Vanderbeek, this picture came up: 






That's about right. This picture was on other blogs. I guess if it is copywrited and they see it here I will pay for it. She’s just mad and sad, and the only way to let it out is to cry it out; hair a mess, exposed. I’m sure she was tired too. There is a picture of my niece that puts this little girl to shame. I wish I had it.

I think back to some of my past cries. The ones where as a child when I didn’t get something I wanted and decided to throw a crying fit. I would get the finger-snap-point and hear "Haley Lougene you dry it up this minute, or I’ll give you something to cry about." I usually got it dried up pretty quickly. My parents weren’t big corporal punishment people, but it’s safe to say I got my share of quick spankings enough that they had their bluff in. Dad asked me one time after I got in trouble for breaking something if I was crying because I had broken it and felt bad, or if I was crying because I got caught and was in trouble. I remember being aggravated that he asked me that; of course because I got caught, or else I would have been crying when I broke it instead of trying to hide it. It seemed like crossing a boundary to make me admit my tears were selfish. Shouldn’t he just melt at seeing "baby-girl" cry, and then take me for a sno cone? I was crying out of fear and manipulation, not out of sorrow. Daddy knew the difference, and he called me on it.

Crying out of sorrow is ok. Even Paul talks about how if he had lost Epaphroditus, whom he loved, he would have had "sorrow upon sorrow." Philippians 2:27. There is real comfort in knowing that our Creator designed us to cry to help release what is hurting, and he doesn’t count our tears or sorrow as faithlessness. "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have stored them in your book," Psalms 56:8. When something is sad we cry, and He is with us. But then, to borrow a line from a friend’s sweet grandma "you can get glad in the same pants you got mad in." We don’t have to live in sorrow. We lift our eyes to the hills, and live in the joy of knowing how the story ends. There will be a day with no more tears. Dad's pain is better than it was, his treatments are started, and they are finally home. I talked to them both on the phone today. I won't take that for granted. Today I had a moment of sad settle in on me a bit. Tomorrow should look better. Apparently, I will probably let you know one way or the other.

Have I mentioned I went to Ethiopia and my Dad is sick? Well I did, and he is. It feels like about 3 weeks ago the pause button on life got pushed, and I have been in some other reality. However, it is getting to be time to press play and rejoin regularly scheduled programming.

My watch just got wound back to central standard time. That is where it belongs. I know God allowed me to go to Ethiopia for a reason, but I don't have to know what that reason is. It was a wonderful and perspective changing experience. Even though a lot of what I saw there was difficult to grasp the trip itself was amazing. I miss them. I would love to go back someday. But I got a fortune cookie this week that said "The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more." That makes sense, so central standard time it is.

I tried to go back to work on Wednesday. Actually I did go back to work on Wednesday, but I wasn't really there yet, my thoughts were all wrapped up in Ethiopia and Room 406, Mercy Hospital, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. I was able to do the tasks at hand. I saw a few clients which was the best part of being there, and got to catch a few friends up on the whirlwind of the last couple of weeks. I was still kind of running on auto-pilot though. Still running in mud.

Dad has been in the hospital for 14 days now. As he puts it, he's taken a few steps forward, and a few steps back. Thursday night was a step back as he was sick most of the night. Mom called me Friday morning for my update...and by noon I was on the road headed back to where my heart was. This morning the report is looking good. He has had two rounds of chemo now. The fight has begun. He is over the sick feeling he had, he ate nearly all of the low low priced Mercy Hospital oatmeal I fixed for him, and has just had a shower. He would be so totally annoyed if he knew I just shared that. He would say "nobody cares that I ate oatmeal and just got out of the shower." He can write his own blog.

He has a back brace and a pretty blond he's known since the 2nd grade that are ready to get him through these next few months. He had a couple of transfusions this week fighting the anemia, so once we can get him out of that bed and back to North Fourteenth Street, Ponca City, OK I think he will be ready to start getting on down this road. I am pretty sure regularly scheduled programming is not going to play out as we had anticipated, but that's alright. We have to live as though we believe what we say we believe:

"For this [gospel] I was appointed a herald, apostle, and teacher, and that is why I suffer these things. But I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to guard what has been entrusted to me until that day." 2 Timothy 1:11 Man I love how the Word of God has everything we need for every circumstance we face.

I commit my Dad. I commit my time in Ethiopia. I commit the work of my hands and the meditations of my heart to the Lord. I commit to not live in fear of what tomorrow holds, because I know who holds tomorrow. I don't surrender just for the peace I find there, but because He is God, this life is a blink of an eye, our home is ultimately with him, and He is faithful. Because of his grace and his love I can put one foot in front of the other and pray that he allows me to be a reflection of His grace that is pleasing to him. Because of him I don't chase after the wind. Because of him I'm ready to press play...

After over 24 hours of travelling, I am home. I sit in the hospital as I type this. This is where I've sat since about 30 minutes after landing Saturday afternoon. A friend I've known since the 7th grade picked me up from the airport and brought me to the hospital. My Dad is currently on the phone with one of his best friends since Elementary school. I love old friends.

Flashbacks of this past week keep running through my mind. Did this really just happen? As I come out of the fog I find evidence that this wasn't and isn't a dream...

Evidence of Ethiopia:

- My watch is 8 hours ahead of all the clocks I see around me. I'm not ready to conform yet. I like considering where all of those precious-in-His-sight kids are in their daily schedule. I like wondering if today's rain is falling in Addis Ababa. I like remembering the taste of the coffee, the voices of friends, and the sights as we walked the streets of Addis Ababa. Keeping my watch to that time takes me back there.

At Kaldi's.

Daily Schedule at Orphanage

Beautiful gate we passed on a walk.

- There is a flower in my bible being pressed, waiting to become a laminated bookmark I will have forever.

- I had packed clothes for temperatures in the 60's to low 70's and its 109 degrees outside. I'm a little overdressed, but it is cold in hospitals.

- People keep welcoming me back home. (I know I wasn't here, but I never felt not at home.)


Evidence of Cancer:

- My dad is lying in a hospital bed. His comfort is growing. His pain is lessening, but he continues to hurt. Our resolve is strengthening as we wait on the Lord.

- With biopsy results in as of this morning, the evidence confirms multiple myeloma.

- I have been racing to hospital elevators to get to push the buttons. If cancer wasn't here, I wouldn't be in a hospital, and I wouldn't be racing. I like to think that I would be more mature than to push my 10 yr old nephew out of the way so I could be the button pusher. I'm not. I guess I get it from mom as she surprised me with a sneaky elevator-button-pushing win this morning as we came in. She won't surprise me again.

- It's Monday, and I'm not at work. I love my job, and love the people I work with. They made special arrangements allowing me to go to Ethiopia, and they made special arrangements allowing me today and tomorrow off to be here in Oklahoma. I'm so thankful to work with this ministry. I wish the address was somewhere on Broadway Extension, but as with everything else, I trust the Lord and where he has me. I pray he gives me the strength and grace to get back into my work there and allow Him to be Him, and me to be only me.

- Mercy hospital has low low prices on their cafeteria menu. I never wanted to know about the menu offerings at Mercy hospital. This useless knowledge is evidence that something has gone wrong. However, the sweet potato fries are pretty good.


Evidence of God's grace:

- My dad's smile and humor. My mom's grace and peace. Dad is back to sass mouthing mom. That's a good sign. But then, when he asked her for a cookie, she said "Where would you like it, Precious?" They are cute. After 43 years of marriage they have each other's number.

- Prayers from friends and family.

- Jesus. Jesus. Jesus who took the sting out of death, who's perfect love casts out fear, and who intercedes on our behalf. Where would I be right now, if my hope were in anything other than Him? "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

We are in the air again. This time going the opposite direction. I'm in between the world I used to know, where Daddy wasn't sick and I didn't have one memory from Addis Ababa; and the world where I will soon land where my Dad does have cancer and Addis Ababa is forever a part of me. The whole world has changed in a weeks time. God is still on His throne, and I am on my knees. I physically felt the prayers people were saying for me while I was away from my family last week. Each of your messages and notes meant so much to me, and felt like a life-line to home. There is no other explanation but prayer and God's grace for me getting out of bed and not only carrying on, but carrying on feeling merciful hope and even joy. I still can hardly believe this is happening, but astonishment doesn't equal devastation when you know the Lord. There truly is a peace that passes understanding that he gives us. I know who holds the future, and when before I may not have trusted that and tried to orchestrate some things myself, his faithfulness to me these past several years as I finally sought him first in all things has settled it firmly in my heart and my mind come what may. He is God, Creator, Redeemer, Savior, Lover of my Soul, Healer. And although He holds the universe in His hand, He wants me to pray to him and share with him my heart. My whole heart is to take away Dad's pain, heal him, let me hold his hand for many more years. The end, Amen. I am nervous to see him in the hospital. I know I will hold it together in front of him...but I may need to find someone to punch in the face after I leave. I've never really punched anyone in the face, but for some reason I think that would relieve some tension. Does anyone have a Weezah I could hit? I come from a line of Steel Magnolias.

As we fly over the Maritime Alps below, it should be mentioned that The Best of Van Morrison is a great album. Also, we landed in Rome last night to refuel. We weren't allowed to get off the plane, but I'm counting it. I've been to Rome.

On my hand right now in 8 year old English-as-a-second-language handwriting are the words "Jesus You Love." Yoseph wrote this on my hand as we told the kids goodbye earlier today, or yesterday, I don't know for sure what day it is anymore. I have carefully washed around it. I had thought before what a blessing these kids were getting with Ryan and Jessica; I knew Ryan and Jess would be blessed by the kids too, but I just can't describe how beautiful and special these kids are. They gush love. They are tender and thoughtful. They can work an ipod probably as well as Ryan, as the orphanages get a lot of mission team visits, and they pick things up fast. They are just flat out fun. They are 4 little people anyone would want to spend their everyday with. We had opportunity to take the kids to the guest house we were staying for a few hours to play. Here is the shirt 4 year old Eyasu, or as I like to call him "Bubble Gum" was wearing:




He already has. Their kids had best friends, Rich and Betty, who were with us the entire time while we were visiting at the orphanage. I could see at times on their faces a little concern seeing their friends meet their new "momma" so the three of us called ourselves the "friends" and had our picture taken together. Rich drew me a picture that says he loves me and so does Jesus. I was just waiting for God to say the word for me to bring him home as my son, but nothing yet...but I would.

Staying at the guesthouse was such a great experience. There were other families that came throughout the week to pick up their kids and bring them home. 7 year old Hannah and her new Daddy are travelling home to meet the rest of her new family after spending the last five years in an Ethiopian orphanage. They sit in front of me in row 39 as I type this from row 40 window seat A. She is playing on his i-pad, and every once and a while peeks back through the crack between the seats and shoots me a smile, or takes my picture with her new DS. Oh my word I love her. So does her new daddy whose hand she rarely lets go of. I know the feeling Hannah.

The guesthouse is also where I met someone who made this week lovely in more ways than one. It is surprising to meet someone and within a very short period of time get to a point where you will miss them. It is for me anyway. But, as I leave Addis Ababa even after this short period of time, there is someone more than just the kids I will miss. I'm an over thinker, and I process my way right out of things at times. But not him, not this week. Not mentioning him would be leaving out an important part of this complex story which has played out over long-distance phone calls, before my eyes, and in my heart these last few days. Don't ask me about him though. It's the Glenda in me that inspires me to write and share, it's the Tim in me that leads me to keep things quite a bit more private. I hope I have struck a good balance.

What a lovely, heart breaking 6 days in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I'm not sure I recognize myself anymore. I think I'm still me though, and I pray God will make me more of who He wants me to be through all of this. Thanks again for your prayers...I'm almost home.

1) I can finish bathing in an unfamiliar shower in total darkeness when the electricity goes out, even when common sense says this is when the nightmare is supposed to begin.

2) I speak Spanish to all people who speak any language other than English.

3) There appears to be very few traffic laws here. This sometimes causes sudden stops or slamming on breaks. I found out I can survive being thrown into the van floorboard after one of these break slamming incidents.



4) I learned I am not nearly grateful enough. If grateful were an ocean, I would be less than 1/4 a teaspoon of it. It bears repeating, because I need to understand: I am not nearly grateful enough. I have not known alternatives to the blessings I've recieved, and not been able to grasp my reality in the appropriate context.

5) Rahel and her friend Betty are good at braiding hair into corn rows. I look good in corn rows. Thankfully, there are no pictures of that moment.

6) Even in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia you can hear a Don William's song on the radio. I love Don Williams.

7) It is impossible to describe the poverty in Addis Ababa. There are lepers on the streets, children/babies living on the street begging for food. My mind and heart can't figure out what to do with what I've seen. How are those sites supposed to find peace in my thoughts? This has helped me begin to grasp my reality in appropriate context, especially this week. I pray God use this insight for his glory in my life.

8) The spirit of the Ethiopian people is strong. They are courteous, humble, beautiful.

9) You don't have to understand the language being spoken to worship God, to dance with strangers in praise, or to be comforted by the Word being preached. Amen, Halleluiah, Jesu Christo.




10) My Dad has cancer. MY Dad. My mom's husband and boyfriend since she was in the 8th grade. My brother's dad has cancer. Daddy has been diagnosed through blood work, and the Dr. anticipates he will be confirmed through a biopsy that he has multiple myloma. If that isn't spelled correctly I don't care. I talked to Chris right after the Dr. gave them the news. I've got a good brother. I'm especially grateful for him in moments like this.

Multiple myloma is, as I understand at this moment, a cancer in his bone marrow. The cancer has started to degenerate his spine which has been causing his increasing pain. But there is good news in all of this: The Dr. said this is "highly treatable." It won't spare Dad the pain or what is to come, or the months we are getting ready to face, but they have an attack plan, that has had good success. They have a treatment for his back without surgery that may help alleviate the pain almost totally, almost immediately. He will begin chemotherapy, and when he is considered in remission (which means the cancer has stopped progressing) he will have a bone marrow transplant. They will actually take his own marrow out - treat it with chemotherapy - and put it back in. I hate all of this. It makes me want to throw my computer against the wall to type that, but he raised me better than to act like a fool. I love him so much. He is the hand that holds mine.

I got to talk to him on the phone for a minute last night. Mom handed him the phone and he said "make it snappy I got a lot goin on right now." He makes me laugh more than anyone else on earth. I feel sorry for people who don't get to spend life with him.

Thank you to everyone who is praying for him and for our family. Pray for Dad's healing, my mom's strength, my brother's leading, Leigh as she loves and cares for Chris, Jordi Birdie and Shawn as they go through this time in their family, and pray for me.

11) In spite of the difficult things we've seen, and even with all that is going on at home, our time here in Addis Ababa has been pretty amazing. The kids are great. We have new friends here, and have been on some really, really lovely walks.

We arrived safely in Addis Ababa on time, and with no sleep. It was 8 am here, but our bodies were at midnight. The plane to Ethiopia was one of the big planes you would expect it takes to carry you to another continent, but the staircases they wheeled up to the doors for our dismount kind of reminded me of those metal bleachers from high school. They herded us onto buses where we were packedinthisclose and began the journey to the terminal...I'd say about 30 yards. It certainly did not warrant the gas spent turning the ignition. An elderly lady in heels who knew exactly how my breath smelled looked at me and said "I would have walked that." Me too elderly lady whose breath I knew exactly how it smelled.

Our three checked bags were, if not the last three bags in the baggage claim area, then definitely the 2nd to last three bags. But we got them, intact and ready to roll. Yonatan (think Ethiopian for Jonathan) picked us up, and brought us to our guesthouse. He lives here. This is where this trip got pretty lovely. Yonatan is an absolutely wonderful host. He took us to get coffee. Really, really good coffee.
There is an Australian couple staying here in the house, a young lady doing work with women and children here, and a couple who adopted two girls a year ago from Ethiopia and have brought them back for a visit. She is from Chicago, is a nurse practitioner, and works for Minute Clinic. Jessica is a nurse practitioner and works for Minute Clinic in Austin. Say it with me: "small world." Yonatan upgraded Jess and I to the Master suite with two beds, a sitting area and a balcony. It is just like staying in a bed and breakfast in Ethiopia...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...My Dad was admitted to Mercy hospital in Oklahoma City. I wish there was a way to type that sentence for full understanding, but it isn't possible. He has been in a lot of pain, but now that he is there he is not in pain. That is good. They are running tests to determine the cause of the pain he has had for the past several months that we have been thinking was a pulled ligament or infection. He has been to doctors consistently for several weeks ruling things out. We are now working to rule out cancer. I type that word as I sit here in Addis Ababa millions of miles away from him. I'm feeling a lot left out of the "we" not being with him, mom, Chris and Leigh and our family right now. But, yesterday morning as I was preparing for lift off in Washington D.C. I felt so at peace and overwhelmed by God's presence. I tweeted a Facebook status just to put it out there: "Wherever you lead. Whatever is clear, whatever is confusing. Because of who you are & faith you've given me. All my love, all my life, Jesus." That was a whole continent before I knew Dad was in the hospital. It is still my status today. Please pray for dad as we head into this confusing time this week. Pray for results that will lead us to treatment to heal his pain. Pray it is not cancer. Pray I don't hijack a plane and lose my mind before I can get home to him.

And then after all that, Yonatan took us to the orphanage and we met the kids. Soloman, quiet and gentle keeping an eye on everything while beaming a beautiful smile. Rahel, a little more shy. Her eyes smile first, but her mouth is not too far behind. She speaks less English than her brothers, so she lets them lead. Yoseph, likes to take the lead. He is a HUGGER, and he likes to give kisses and hold hands and he has a beautiful, let me repeat beautiful singing voice. I'll cry my eyes out. And Eyasu...he has an imagination, he wants to be holding hands and he says I love you a lot. Me too, Eyasu. Seeing Jessica with her kids is one of life's joys. Can hardly wait for the rest of her friends and family to see it too. The kids were right next to her the whole time. She showed them video of Ryan as they were laughing and saying "Papa." They are going to fit right in with Ryan. All 4 of the kids sang songs for us, showed us their rooms, held our hands, and showed us such love. I thought it would be the other way around.

I will get down in the floor and bawl there is so much emotion going on up in here! But, I have a God who is sufficient, who led me here and is allowing me to be a part of this time, in this place. It is confusing that all of this would have to happen in the same minutes of time, but I have a God who promises he never leaves me nor forsakes me. He never leaves Dad nor forsakes him. He has never left Ryan and Jessica. He never left these children. He works all things for the good of those who he loves and are called according to His purposes. That is peace in all circumstances. All my love, all my life, Jesus.

It's 4am Addis Ababa time. I'm looking out the window at the lights of the cities that dot the coast around the boot of Italy. I seriously just typed that. I've seen that boot on maps, and although my feet haven't touched the earth there, my eyes have seen the lights that outline the sole and tip of that fancy Italian boot. I've just asked for my 3rd little can of ginger ale, and having turned my in-flight radio to the Andrea Bocelli station I'm feeling inspired to write. I don't want to forget these moments.
Jess and I are occupying row 39 seats k and L. I'm by the window. I love being by the window. That is a big deal for me, for those of you who know I've been known to lose heart a little prior to flying the past few years. My heart is full today. We are flying on Ethiopian Airlines. I suggest it. I have a pillow, a blanket, one of those silky little eye cover things you see in movies, knee high socks and a little mini toothbrush with toothpaste. Let's just say my satisfaction is easily bought with little presents. Our flight is filled with Ethiopian people who are gracious and accommodating. We have been greeted with smiles and courtesy every minute of this journey. I find myself wanting to hug people...but I am reminded to maintain composure.

The man in front of me is reading a book on Market Research. One chapter was titled "What test markets won't tell you." I cannot imagine why anyone would want to read that book. I respect his choice, and hope he gets what he wants to know from it, but I can't be more serious when I say I would never.

I keep thinking to myself “how did I get here?" I am really blessed that God continues to make the world a lot smaller for me. I love where I'm from, I appreciate where I've been, and I am totally intrigued and surrendered to where I'm going. When I am so focused on trying to consider what I am getting out of life I'm discontent, anxious and frustrated...when I am focused on Christ's life in me and through me I get to be apart of some pretty amazing moments. Like this one as I find myself on a plane high above the earth, sippin Ginger Ale, looking at the lights of Italy, and now listening to the new Greg Allman CD Low Country Blues. Good sound. PS, I just got to feel baby Walling kick. "It" better not be getting sassy.

What a wonderful fascinating world. I hope I get to see more of it. What an infinitely wonderful Savior who loves us more than we give him credit for. And way more than we ever show one another. I pray I know him more everyday.

The stars look really close up here, and I just found Joshua Tree under the oldies section of the radio....is that possible? Is this album oldies? It’s not. I just got this cassette for my 13th birthday, and that was the other day. I was wearing a Debbie Gibson hat when I opened it. I’m hitting play, and I kind of hope we're not almost there...

I tend to always have a song running through my mind. Often times knowing only a few words that I repeat over and over and out loud. Thankfully, my roommates are gone this morning as I'm singing the only words I know to to this 90's song while packing to leave for Ethiopia today! Thanks to all of you who have read my blog, donated, and especially are praying for our trip. I am so excited to be with my friend when she first meets her children, and to spend a week with the 20-30 kids at the orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Can you imagine what Jess and Ryan must be feeling today? Click here to read how Ryan is feeling. I know enough to know - that I have no idea what to expect from this trip. I trust the Lord with the details. He has shown through your prayers and giving that He is providing the way. I have a feeling I will be coming home with a broken heart for the children I meet there, and a new understanding of the need for God's grace and mercy.

Jessica and I will fly out of DFW this afternoon around 5. After spending the night in Washington D.C., we fly to Ethiopia. The 13 hour flight will have us safely in Addis Ababa on July 4th Click here to read more about Addis Ababa. We will be staying at a guest house the orphanage is affiliated with, and will be provided an escort daily to the orphanage. Click here to see where we are staying. We will be allowed to be with Solomon, Rahel, Yoseph and Eyasu every day.

I have my camera packed, Charles Swindoll's "The Grace Awakening," and some of my favorite relaxing movies loaded on my netbook: John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara in The Quiet Man, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail, Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant in Notting Hill, and Nicholas Cage in National Treasure. Apparently I like movies with any take on a Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet type relationship (I'm such a girl), and National Treasure, because at heart I want to be a treasure hunter. I'm going to keep my eye out for the Ark of the Covenant while in Ethiopia. There is a theory its there: Click here to read the claim.

I have been vaccinated for meningitis, typhoid, tetanus, whooping cough, Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B. Those are the suggested vaccinations for going to Ethiopia. That is an disconcerting list of diseases I have never even considered. We have been cautioned to never drink the water, to only eat things that have been boiled or fried, and to watch for pick-pockets. I know so many friends who have been on international missions and this is all second nature to them, but I’m still learning these ropes. My cousin David who has served in Burma for years mentioned that I need to be concerned about “earwhigs.” I think he was kidding. I don’t even know if those are real. I refuse to google it. I would rather be ignorant on some things.

Friday, July 8th we will leave Ethiopia around 10pm and fly 17 hours back to Washington D.C. overnight. It takes 4 hours longer to get home. Seems appropriate. I appreciate your prayers for safe travels, that we remain healthy, and for the relationships that will begin to be forged there. Please keep Jessica in your prayers as she travels while expecting, and pray for Ryan as He trusts the Lord with her on the other side of the world.
Life is so interesting. I wonder what's next.