Do your own words ever come back to bite you? These don’t actually bite, but they are gracious reminders to not go backwards when I’m tempted. This is a lesson I learned a while ago, and now have the opportunity to recall and be strengthened by in this season. Ebenezer words, if you will. In my corner of the world and work there is a lot going on in anticipation of some good things coming. Sometimes I can borrow trouble from tomorrow thinking it’s going to be too big a bite to chew. In other words, I can be prone to anticipate weakness from time to time. But then, my own past lesson-learned and encouragement comes nipping at my heels. Maybe these words would nip at you this week, hopefully in a good way.
Do you ever look at the road ahead of you and anticipate weakness? You have a choice, and it can make all the difference.
One day, not so long ago, I was on my way home from Toronto . . .
I'm in the Toronto airport with cry eyes. Stress falls out my eyes you guys. Several different emotions tend to do that. It has been a really wonderful few days here with our partner, her husband, and her staff and volunteers. We have learned so much about their global ministry where they are making an amazing impact. I am humbled and emotional and thankful God has allowed me to be a part of this. This morning we went to church with our sweet friends, where the only word I understood was the name "Jesu." That name I could hear loud and clear.
As we drove toward the airport, we began receiving multiple e-mails from the airline that has promised to take us home, that our flight is delayed. First one hour, then another, then another, then another. I calmly told my co-worker, "I am going to cry, and I don't want to talk about it." I'm at the point of the trip where I don't want to talk anymore. I don’t even want to listen. Just let me cry for a minute, because I’m emotional and discouraged that our flight is delayed. I’m anticipating weakness when we get in so late, and I don't like feeling weak. The later our departure time, the later our arrival time, the later I start my drive from DFW back to OKC. As it stands now, it will be very well after midnight before I get back to my apartment and lug my junk back up to my bedroom.
So, I began to cry a little as the stress of anticipating weakness began to creep in on me. I'm going to get in late, I'm going to have a long drive, I'm by myself, I’m tired, and honestly, I don't want to do any of that! I am anticipating struggle and frustration that will probably end in me having to pull over in a ditch somewhere too tired to go on and needing to hunker down and pray for daylight. Or, being out on the road this late, I’ll stop at a creepy gas station with blinking lights and crickets everywhere, and then next week the video footage of me walking in but never leaving will be on the nightly news. Not that that could happen since I’ve attended two Krav Maga self-defense classes, but my imagination can run away with me when I start feeling weak. As I caught myself going through the worst-case scenarios just now, I suddenly thought "why don't I anticipate strength?" Why don't I anticipate that I'm going to have exactly the strength I need to get where I'm going? Why don't I anticipate that the road will rise beneath me? Why don't I anticipate that I will stop at a well-lit place for gas and get a great cup of coffee and turn on some of my favorite songs and knock out that drive as if I were headed to Barnsdall on a Saturday morning circa 1985 with my Dad behind the wheel?
Why don't I anticipate strength? How many scriptures do I need to read and believe before I anticipate His help and strength first? How many times can I encourage others to anticipate strength and still melt when I am faced with needing it, or at least try to politely check out of all encouragement and wallow a little bit. (Dear world, I'm going to have a mental pity party. So, as you see me sit over here and cry just leave me alone a little bit.) He will supply all my needs. He is my strength. He will complete what He has started. He loves me and is with me. Whatever weakness I assume I will have once I land back in Dallas is a made-up story in my head because I’m not even there yet. It's not unreasonable to anticipate it may not be the easiest thing I've ever done, or that I will be tired, but to sit here in Canada crying about it is feeling more and more silly each time my finger falls on one of the letters of this keyboard. I will have the strength I need. To get home. To get my work done. To go to Africa in two weeks. A trip that I have not even been able to think about this week but is now loading up on my already tired emotions. As I anticipate weakness later tonight, all anticipated weakness for the next 6 months to a year starts to flood my thoughts. But, again, I have a choice: anticipate weakness or anticipate strength. The one I choose will drastically affect my decisions, my mood, my peace, my joy, and the people in my life. I can stand on a promise tonight and drive home in grace or give in to doubt and drive home in misery. Either way, I'm driving to Oklahoma City. Choose wisely. Whether I anticipate strength or weakness, I’ll have it. His grace will be sufficient for me.
Is there some circumstance in your life where you are anticipating weakness? Are you getting under the table and hiding from it? Are you moving forward, but with dread? If I get under the table today, I won't get home. What might you miss if you anticipate weakness instead of being confident that God will give you the strength to get you home? Get you healthy? Get you free? Get you the blessing? Anticipate strength and go forward in grace. Even when the road is long and dark tonight, I will have the strength to get on down it, and at the end of that road is right where I want to be.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Psalm 46:1-5
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
