Gracefully Frank: January 2014

"Dear Google. What are the symptoms of malaria?" Pounding headache. Chills. Fatigue. Body aches. Enlarged Spleen. I'm not sure what my spleen is doing, but the rest of that, check. I'm also dressed like an Eskimo and my heat is turned up to 80. I've never been hit by a Mack truck...and I don't really feel like that now, but maybe like a full-sized car backing up and didn't see me and just kind of knocked me to the ground and then a bicycle ran over me. Uncomfortable, annoyed, but ok. The good news: A few of those symptoms also represent jet lag, and with the additional facts of sleeping in 3 hours spurts this week, as well as a sore throat and the constant need for a tissue...I'm ruling out malaria and thinking I have jet lag, a cold, and probably a mild case of the whine butts. I've got 9 days before I need to be on a plane again, so I'm home and probably will stay here for a few days to drink liquids, adjust to the time zone and blow my nose (which I cannot do in the presence of another human. Its a thing of mine). I will watch for signs of spleen enlargement just in case. "Dear Google. What are symptoms of spleen enlargement?" What a sissy.

Sitting still usually opens the gate to wander down a writing trail, and based on some recent conversations with several people, and my own recent conversations with God, I'm going to type some thoughts out. But first, I need to turn the heat down before I die.

Here is the recurring thought that has come up multiple times in the past several weeks:

If God_______________, then________________. Do you ever have that kind of thought? Fillings for the blanks vary. Here are some examples:

If God is good, then the world wouldn't be like this.

If God loves me, then this never would have happened.

If God cares, then He will make this situation better.

If God is just, then there will be justice in this matter.

If God is faithful, then he will bless me with what I ask him.

If God is real, then he would prove it.

If God_______________, then_________________. What are your fillers for these blanks? If God is kind, no one goes to Hell? If you have some thoughts like this they are probably well thought out, reasonable to your understanding, and can be argued with evidence that seems sound. If God is Sovereign, then he would reign. But the evidence, (the state of the world, bad things happening, harmful and hurtful situations, and injustice) can lead one to believe the One who claims sovereignty must not be good. Must not love me, doesn't care, isn't just, isn't faithful...isn't real.

The conclusions we draw from the evidence we evaluate are wrong anytime they lead to the belief that God is not good, loves you, cares for you, just, faithful or real. God does not enslave us. He does not force us or others to do the right thing, or be good people. He allows us to choose. He gave us freedom from the beginning, not chains.

We may accept that freedom for our self, but then want Him to prove himself by controlling others. "God make them do this." "God, why did you allow them to do that?" "God, how could you let this happen?" "God, I'm doing things right, why can't you make them do the right thing?" God created us. He is sovereign. But he doesn't force us, or them, to believe or behave. If he did we would be slaves, not sons. If he did, we wouldn't come to him of our own free will. It wouldn't be a relationship, it would be a resignation to the inevitable. Where is the joy in knowing someone was forced to be with you, instead of them freely coming to you because of their great love for you. God created us in His image, love and relationship are not unique to humanity they are divine characteristics of Him in us. He wants a relationship, not a robot. He could build robots though. He could have built an electric fence around the tree of knowledge that grew pretty apples. But, he is just, not manipulative. He allows us choice. Even to deny Him. Even to go against His will and plan for us as our Creator.

People will lie about us. People will betray our trust. People will go on campaigns to hurt us. They will be unforgiving, cruel and have poor character. They will kick us when we are down instead of lifting us up, and Satan who is as real today as in the garden, will whisper..."that's God's fault. He sat by and did nothing. He allowed this to happen to you (by not controlling someone or something else). He is not good. Does not love you. Does not care. Is not just. Is not faithful. Is not real." And we believe it, because we need to assign blame, and who better to blame than the One who claims Sovereignty. If God_________________, then__________________. God's word tells us these things will happen because we are in a broken world. 1) He has overcome the world. 2) When those bad things happen he will use it for your good. If you let Him. Again, he won't force you there either.

Here are some things that He at times has allowed me to learn to consider:

1) God's plans for me are not in contradiction or competition with anyone else. Not for a job, not for a relationship, not for purpose or meaning. As he knit me in my mother's womb, and knows the plans he has for me, He describes himself in scripture as personal to me. He hears me when I call. He establishes my path. I can let him, or I can struggle to try and make things work our according to my understanding. I've done it both ways. And following His lead fits my soul better than anything I ever tried to make work. We try to make something work, make someone conform, work for some achievement, it blows up and we blame Him. I struggle with the unknowns because my flesh still wants the type of proof of His goodness that I can understand or recognize, but I know Him, and at the end of my struggles I trust him. I'm not nameless human # eleventy billion and 3. I'm Haley Lougene to him. He loves me. You are (insert your name here). He loves you.

2) I have to draw correct conclusions. The actions of man, do not determine the character of God. a) We know God, according to Romans 1, because of creation. Creation is evidence of him. I know he is real through the setting of the sun, or the birth of a child, or the tree that grows from a seed. Creation is evidence of a Creator. b) We know God through Jesus Christ who is God. We have a record of his character, his love, his sacrifice. His goodness. His justice. His power and authority through the gospels of his life in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. We know God through Jesus. c) We know God through the entire Bible, where he chose Abraham and his people the Israelites to be the story-tellers of who God is. They had worked so hard to build their religion that they lost touch with their relationship with God. And when He came to save them, they chose religion over relationship. d) I know God by the work of the Holy Spirit, who when I first believed in Jesus, was given me to teach me and show me the way. Jesus promised him to all of us who believe in John 14. Not every thought that runs through my mind is Him, but I know His voice. I know when it is Him...even though sometimes my heart may warble the message a little. Choice isn't taken away from me, I can still choose my own will, my own understanding, and sometimes I do. But the Holy Spirit reminds me of the way I should go, and helps me get there for my good, and God's glory. d) As we read the rest of the New Testament we learn how our lives can be transformed by God, through faith.

We have to look for evidence of God where it is offered...not look for evidence of God where He has been rejected. Where someone is not following him, not showing His characteristics. That isn't evidence against God, that is evidence of that free-willed person. "That person is a jerk, God is obviously not good and probably not real." In Psalm 51, David says "against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight." We are certainly affected by other's sin, but their sin is against God. Against His will for their life. He didn't cause them to sin against you. But for now, they have the ability to choose. He is the one they defy. That is why He says justice is his, and we have to demonstrate forgiveness. The one concept satan will continually attack. Forgiveness. Christ is all about forgiveness. If satan can make forgiveness in our own relationships seem impossible, either for us because we are the offender, or through us to someone else...then its an easy step to doubt the forgiveness that came on the Cross. I can't forgive, or I can't be forgiven, so how is it possible to be truly forgiven by anyone, even Jesus.

3) You've probably heard this...emotions don't equal truth. Practice what we believe, instead of argue what we don't understand. Don't practice hurt emotions. Man that is hard, because we feel so justified. Especially for those of us who like a good debate. We may find ourselves telling God how we think He should be handling things. God lets us wrestle with him, but at some point we need to quit back talking (the one thing in life that has probably gotten me into more trouble than anything else.) I'm a hasher-outer. A thinker-througher. Sometimes its not time, or its not safe to do that. He's working on me though. We are able to take thoughts captive, bring them under the obedience of the truth, and hand him the reigns. He would not tell us to do that, if it was outside of our capability. Instead of struggling with how he is handling things, practice believing He is working all things for our good. I think 99 percent of my struggle is when I am pleading a case...instead of just standing on what I believe about him and resting in him. These past couple of years have taught me to be still and silent, and hand him the reigns.

Last night I woke up at the end of a sweet dream that left me a little sad and asking "If God__________, then__________." Again, on very little sleep and a little bit of a fever, its kind of easy for a girl to get a little emotional. I was up from midnight to 2, and went to sleep just saying His name because I had nothing else to say. Three hours later I woke up with David Crowder's song "Oh How He Loves Us" running through my head. I haven't had that song on a playlist in a couple of years. I tried to go back to sleep, but the song was waking me up and I couldn't remember all of the words. "Listen to it Haley." So I turned my lamp on, pulled it up on Spotify and let the morning bring me word of His unfailing love. Psalm 143:8.

He is good.

He loves us.

He cares.

He is just.

He is faithful.

He is real.

Even when others are not. Instead of rehearsing unbelief (If God__________, then___________.), practice believing that God is everything He says He is. He will give you rest. He will remind you of His love. That he cares. Your peace is not dependent on anyone, or any circumstance. Peace that passes understanding, come what may, comes through your relationship with Him alone. That is what we were created for. Everything else is some kind of round whole, square peg scenario. Mark 9 tells us that we can ask Him to help our unbelief. He will. Practice. Belief and peace will increase in you, and then it will spill over.

Click the red letter lyrics below to hear the You Tube link to hear David Crowder's version of this song. This is one of my favorite lines:
All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory...

No comments

Right now I am finally sitting still. The breeze is a gift. The ocean is about 100 yards to my left. I have a Coke. I'm listening to 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman, and taking some time to write about this week.

This is the third time I've been to Sri Lanka now. It's different every time. The flight from Dallas to Dubai went well. The first movie I watched was The Blue Brothers. I laughed out loud when I saw it listed under the classics movie section, and then I laughed out loud through the whole movie. I also watched The Little Mermaid and Wolverine. The Dubai airport is not as intimidating now. The familiar walk from the plane to the shuttle that takes us to our hotel feels familiar. I've got the drill down at the hotel, and then back on the shuttle to the airport for our 2:45am flight into Colombo. I have a co-worker with me this time. It's her first time, so I get to be the ropes shower. She is a newlywed. First time away from her hubby. She's done great, but I'm pretty sure distance has made home even sweeter at the thought than when she left it.

We landed in Colombo last Sunday morning (or Saturday evening in Dallas), and within 2 hours were at church. I think we were walking Zombies. Pastor asked us to say a word...and a word is about all I was able to mutter. Neither of us had slept on the overnight plane ride. Even though I assured her we would. After church our hosts took us to lunch. Chicken sandwich, fries and coke.

Then we went to The Juliana Hotel. "She's a real beaut, Clark." We took a 4 hour nap and then made ourselves get up so we would sleep that night. We should have only taken a 2 hour nap. At 3 am I was up for the day. We got up. Walked the streets of Colombo in search of coffee, and then headed out for our 6 hour drive up to Vavuniya. It's a 70 mph 2 lane highway. A don't-worry-about-what-lane-you-drive-in-pass-everyone-honk-slam-breaks-floor-it kind of drive. We are fortunate our hosts are good drivers, and that if you close your eyes...you can't see what's happening. I kept my eyes closed a lot. And Mumford and Sons playing in my ears. (I knew it wouldn't be long before they made my blog again.)

That was Monday. On Tuesday we began 4 straight days of training, in 2 cities, with multiple tea breaks, and many 1 hour sessions on counseling, the call to counsel in scripture, tools to counsel through our ministry, basic skills for counseling at their request, and first and foremost how it applies to our own lives. I rearranged my spreadsheet quite a few times to make things work. There were a few adventurous showers, some interesting smells, some fascinating sights, 1 leaking air conditioner (directly over the bed), quite a bit of sweat, water, gatorade packets, swollen feet, mosquito bites, homemade Sri Lankan dinners (delicious), some pictures, some laughs, some notes, some insight for us to take back to Dallas, good friends, and 1 more 6 hour drive back to Colombo with 4 personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut in Negombo, Sri Lanka. By the time we got done yesterday... I was tired, and I'm sure our hosts and those who planned these events here were too. It was a lot of work, but we are very pleased with the outcomes, and so thankful for how the ministries here have grown. Partnering with them through HFTH is a great blessing. They have faced war, and continue to struggle as the country rebuilds and redefines itself. The week before we got here there were horrible attacks on two christian churches by mobs led by 60 buddhist monks. The churches were destroyed, but the Church here grows stronger. Many of them are coming together tomorrow for a day of prayer.

We would have flown home today, but there were no flights out, so we have to wait until tomorrow afternoon to leave. For these last couple of nights we booked a nicer than we expected hotel through Expedia.com at a much lower than expected rate. When we first checked in there were probably 60 people in a tour group who had just arrived as well. The man who checked us in, didn't even call us by name he just shouted out over everyone "Expedia room! This way." He never did call us by name. Only "Expedia room." They are totally booked, and I think he wishes a little bit that we weren't here. But, we are enjoying it anyway. This isn't the type of area where you get out and walk around, but this is the kind of place where it is nice to lay around, and after the last 7 days of travel and training, we are thankful for this forced day of rest. We are right off the Indian Ocean. We went out there after the conference at the Hope Center last night and watched the sunset. I plan to see it again this evening.

We definitely kind of stick out wherever we go. My hair soaks in the humidity and becomes surprisingly...fullish. One friend said I was like a lioness of Judah. Ok. I make it work. I still have a problem with repeating out loud interesting words or noises I hear. One noise I was sure was a cow, was not. When I repeated the noise, I learned it was man selling fish. Ok. One of our hosts picked us up in a rent car. As we were preparing to get in, his tucked in shirt kind of straightened out and we could see 1.4 million little spiders had infested his shirt at his belt line. Panic. I dropped my backpack, unzipped it, reached in and felt for what I thought was my little packet of kleenex to have something to brush the horror movie off his back. Once I started swatting imminent death off of him I realized it was a feminine product that classy girls don't just yank out of their bags and start flashing around. But, I had pulled one from my backpack and was now shewing spiders with it from the Pastor's back. Ok. With some bug spray Courtney brought with her, she and I went all Texas tough on his car seat where the spiders had come from. Between the two of us we are part MacGyver and part Lucy. Let's not talk about which part is which. I think the world needs both.

One of my favorite things to do is take pictures. Many of my pictures are taken out the car window as we were in route to the next place. I like how they turned out though, and they will help me remember the journey. Here are some of my favorites. As always, thanks for taking this journey with me through this blog.

No comments

I'm making spreadsheets. For any of you who have worked with me on projects you know I like spreadsheets. I like to make them with colors and borders. The color may have specific meaning or it may just be to differentiate from cells of other colors. The borders may vary in thickness to separate groups of columns or rows. I like to find the right font and font size to make the page fit within the margins upon printing. Making spreadsheets is an itch I can scratch. Making a spreadsheet is a way to organize what I cannot control, but can prepare for...can visualize through cells, rows and columns in an excel document what is to come. I will be prepared. I will use a lot of "Haley math", as it was named in a previous life. I will be confused if one cannot easily see the vision the spreadsheet paints. Spreadsheets are my battle plans. The event is laid out before me considering all variables known to me. "Here is how this will go," I tell myself. "It's on the spreadsheet."

On prior occasions I've really needed strict adherence to spreadsheet plans. My security relied on others participation in adopting the spreadsheet and it's plots. (Hey Youth Labbers!) I still like the use of spreadsheets, because they do help me see what is to come. They bring the vision down to an 8 1/2 x 11, or 11x17 page that I can hold in my hands. But, I have learned the key to the success of any well-planned, colored, bolded, bordered and sorted spreadsheet...is not obedience, but flexibility. Obedience can make the spreadsheet happen, flexibility can make an event happen. A lovely moment happen. One is bound by the law, one leaves room for Grace. Plan, but understand I can't know until I get there. My hope isn't in a well facilitated spreadsheet. (Wow, is my hope not in that anymore.)  I don't want to miss a beautiful forest, because I'm looking at a map of the trees..to borrow and change up someone else's well coined phrase. Again, if only a life lesson in there somewhere... "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:4 So, a spreadsheet (a plan) is only as good as my willingness to throw it out the airplane window. But, if I can throw anything out the airplane window something has gone terribly wrong and someone will need to come get me. Let's say let the plans fly behind me out the back of a top-down convertible on a sunny day...in Ponca, just for a cherry on the top.

Today's spreadsheets are filled with training conferences, session plans, tea breaks and layovers in countries I had never even considered going, with hearts I never dreamed of serving alongside, but now am excited to do so.  My never ending sanctification process has gone from fear to freedom. With freedom comes the letting go of perceived plans, perceived control, perceived value, perceived weakness, perceived strength, perceived success; and just hold on to the Word of Life and my yes to Him. Putting my relationship with Jesus Christ above all others, and seeing myself as God sees me, instead of how others perceive me based on either their concept of "good" or "bad" allows me great freedom to go where he leads, laugh at the days to come, love unconditionally, trust Him through my insecurities and sometimes tears, and rest in the assurance that He is faithful, and His promises sure. Even if He goes all rogue from my spreadsheet. 2014 is already a year I never dreamed of. That's either terrifying OR exciting. It all depends on what I believe about who God is. I think I've mentioned Beth Moore's book Believing God before, but inserting that plug here again is appropriate. Believing IN God and believing God's character are both equally important. One comes pretty easily to many of us...the other is constantly assaulted by suppositions and gets worked out as we practice faith. If you ever get anything from my stories I hope it is a witness that practicing faith can be difficult, but always worth it. Where God will lead you, is better than whatever you try to hold onto. Lay down your comparisons, your "shoulds", your "but, I wants," and let Him establish the steps He has planned for you.

I've got a ticket for a window seat this Friday, and will be traveling back to a land of sweet familiar faces and voices that speak more languages than me. It's a long trip. No doubt about it. But, it is a trip worth taking. I will start my malaria medication tomorrow. I've downloaded National Treasure and Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows for my viewing pleasure, A couple of Tim Keller's books to read.  I've been packed since Saturday. My spreadsheets are almost done. It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark...and we're wearing sunglasses... (Anyone?)

No comments

Gracefully Frank

H.S.

Categories

recent posts

Blog Archive

Search This Blog

Gracefully Frank

H.S.

Categories

recent posts

Blog Archive

Search This Blog

copyright 2017