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Gracefully Frank


The story I remember is that she had an uncle who thought Authula Maud Shannon was too big a name for a little baby girl. So he started calling her Toots, and it stuck. Way later in life she became my Granny whose bowl I used today while cooking. As usual that got me thinking of her, and as of late, it's usual that leads to writing. She would set this same bowl down for me when she needed my help to tear up the lettuce for the green salad, stir gently the pea salad, or whatever light duty cooking she could give me to help prepare “dinner,” which at her house was the noon meal. I have one of her aprons, some of her bowls, and thousands of memories sitting in her kitchen watching her cook. She was a good cook. But, long before she became a cook anyone would write about, long before I ever called her Granny, she had a whole other life. Surprisingly enough she wasn’t born the day I was. She wasn’t just a Grandma waiting for us grandkids. 

She was born to Roy and Bobbie Hope Shannon in May of 1927. A beautiful little red head, with all the cliche connotations being a red head brings. By age three she was stricken with polio that would change the way she walked forever, but would not change her beauty or her feistiness. At age 10 she moved into a children’s hospital where she lived for almost a year being treated with numerous other children who had been afflicted. Her mother was very pregnant when at age 11,Toots left the hospital with an autograph book signed by all of her friends, to return to her family. Within a few weeks her mom Bobbie died while giving birth to another feisty baby girl, Cynthia, who would be raised by Bobbie’s sister Tom. (Yes, Tom was a girl). Bobbie also left behind her husband Roy, and children: Jim, Toots, Bob, Dudley, Patsy, and John Perry. It hurts to imagine the heartbreak my Granny must have felt when she lost her mother. But, the Shannon’s are a resilient bunch.


Aunt Billie, Bobbie and Tom's sister, said Granny was probably about 14 here. This is my favorite picture of her.
By 12, Toots had lived with a few different family members, including her beloved Aunt Maud. By 14, Toots was working as a nurse’s assistant in Henryetta, OK and living in a nurse boarding house, making a living for herself. She had some stories to tell. I’m sure as her granddaughter I didn’t get to hear all of them, but some of the highlights she would share. Like the time she slapped the face of the head nurse for lying about her. Toots was Irish, red-headed, grew up with brothers, was toughened by overcoming being crippled by polio, and she didn’t put up with no head-nurse mouthin’ about her. She would still get a look of satisfaction on her face when she retold the story even in her 70’s. She never did regret slapping that woman.

One day, around age 16, Toots and a girlfriend were walking down Main Street in Henryetta when a car pulled up with her friend’s boyfriend in the passenger seat. The driver of the car was Johnnie Cloyse Scully. What a moment that was. I don’t know how it all works, but a flat tire a mile back keeping Johnnie and his friend from Main Street that day, and I maybe wouldn’t be typing this today…something tells me he would have found her though. She’d seen him before. He was just recently back from Detroit where he and his father had gone to find work. Johnnie leaned out the window and said “Hey Red, I’m gonna marry you.” She said, “Oh, no you’re not,” and she “kept right on walking.” But, he did. 

 
Toots and John
John and Toots

When Toots married John she got another chance at having a mother in Bertha Sloan Scully. I’m sure Bobbie would have been pleased. Some of my Granny Toots’ bowls that I have, are actually Grandma Bert’s bowls. Bert taught Toots how to cook; how to keep house; how to be a Mrs. Scully. Toots referred to Bert as “Mom” when telling stories of their time in life together. There are recipes and child rearing secrets the two of them shared and perfected. Meatloaf. A pot of beans and cornbread. Biscuits and gravy. Fried chicken. Hot cakes. Dressing, that I will perfect someday, but certainly haven’t so far. Strawberry cake, blackberry cobbler, coconut cream pie. Some of the favorites from Toots’ table that probably came from Bertie’s. 

 

          
Young Toots
   
Young Bertie

John and Toots had three boys: Jim, Tim and Tom. Keep it simple. Toots was fiercely protective of her sons, and lived each day caring for them and making a home for her family. Their home, their achievements, their families are the fruits of her life. She enjoyed whatever we were into, and liked to hear all about it. We knew she loved us. You could read her thoughts on her face pretty easily.  It lit up everytime we slid open that sliding glass door and heard her yell "Come in here!"

It is a rare day that passes without some thought of her. Having a few of her dishes (including little juice glasses that used to be jars of jelly), her wedding ring, a few of her recipes, her laugh in my head, her mad look (usually reserved for dogs in the yard or George W. Bush) ingrained in my memory keeps her fresh in my thoughts, and I am thankful for it. She was funny. She was proud. She believed whatever “they” said on TV. Her favorite shows were Young and the Restless and Walker Texas Ranger. She said many times she wished she could have been a bank robber. She kind of meant it. (Her Grandma Hope’s house, or at least her barn, was a hideout for Pretty Boy Floyd who married into our family) Granny was a big Chicago Bulls fan. She liked watching Michael Jordan play. She held grudges. She worked hard. When we cleaned out her house there were 19 pads on her ironing board. I bet 30 years worth. Best ironing board ever. Her favorite nicknames for anyone and everyone were “Mr. Butts” and “George.” She liked to mix her salad dressings, and did not pay any attention to expiration dates on items in the refrigerator. The rims of her glasses were rose tinted, and she signed her name "Mrs. John C. Scully." When he passed away she wore his wedding ring on a necklace around her neck. She chewed Extra brand gum, and didn’t care if you saw her without her teeth at bedtime. Depending on the time of day she smelled like Jergen’s lotion, Oil of Olay, or White Shoulders perfume. She subscribed to Reader’s Digest. She pin rolled her hair her whole life. She had a fear of drowning that generally kept her out of the water, but didn’t keep her out of the baptismal when my cousin Shannon and I had the opportunity to stand by her as she decided the Lord was telling her it was time to be baptized. She knew Christ as her Savior, but wanted to honor him in that way as the bible directs before her church. She did not like to be in anyone’s attention, she did not like being in the water, but she loved the Lord and relied heavily on his promises; especially after Pa passed away. I’m sure I didn’t understand how difficult, or how precious that baptism day was to her. I’m so thankful to have shared it with her.


 All of us who loved her have our own stories of our special relationship with her. She and I used to go to Wal-Mart after she moved into a nursing home. She was in a wheelchair by then. As we wheeled around the store she would eat a McDonald’s vanilla ice cream cone and small order of French fries. She liked to dip her fries into the ice cream and comment on cute babies and women she thought could have tried a little harder to look their best even at Wal-Mart as we gathered whatever was on her short list. Oh my word we had fun and laughed a lot. She was a good Granny, who had a whole life before she and I were friends. I'm grateful she shared some of the stories with me. Her young life was marked by a close family she loved, but also tragedies; her adult life was marked by the security and love in the home and family she had with Pa. They both made her tough, and they both made her sweet.

It is impossible to do her life justice in a few words, but hopefully they honor her…and hopefully, whatever I stir up in her dishes won't insult her legacy either. Today, it was Italian meatballs. She would have pronounced them as EYE-talian meatballs and would have certainly changed the recipe to her own liking or to whatever ingredients she had. Most the time that worked for her, but one year we got water chestnuts in our Thankgiving dressing. She was a good cook, but not everything worked every time…so, I guess that leaves a little room for grace for me. At least I have the right bowls for the job.


My Granny's Bowl
Authula Maud "Toots" Shannon Scully wearing Pa's ring.

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It is inconvenient for government offices to be closed on my day off. My Oklahoma Driver’s License as well as my Oklahoma License plate are a little expired. Don’t rat me out and don’t ask me what a little means. I am committed to resolve those this week. But, I have a list of other things to do today. I’m getting new pillows. I’m making Chicken Tetrazzini. Getting a thank you card for someone I love. Buying a new book, as I’m almost finished with the one I’m reading. Curling my hair backwards instead of forward to see what that looks like. But, it is my day off and I have some thoughts whirling around a little so I’m going to take a minute to have another cup of coffee and write it out.

Christmas was good for my family. Cancer can’t destroy Christmas…to add a line to a poem introduced to our family when my beautiful, funny, wise, missed-every-day Aunt Karla was diagnosed with cancer in 2007. Cancer can change aspects of it, but it can’t destroy the meaning and purpose of Christmas. We had some much needed perspective on our Hope in Christ and the important things in life this year and we scaled back on the stress and hectic-ness?, hectic-ocity?, hectic-atiousness? of the season. Such a relaxed blessed time together. Thanking God for Christmas 2011.

Perspective is key to how we cope with the circumstances in our life. A me-perspective puts everything through the “what does this mean for me” filter. Am I comfortable? Am I happy? Am I getting what I want? Are my expectations being met? Is my dad sick? This perspective can be disappointing if everything isn’t just exactly in its place…all expectations met, all wants acquired, everyone everywhere cooperating with my plan, and can leave us discontent even with what would look like an abundance from the outside. An other-perspective can also be discouraging. Are all my loved ones healthy, happy and satisfied? Even if we put no thought for ourselves and all of our hopes are put for others…Is world peace occurring? Are all the orphans being adopted? Are all the homeless sheltered and fed? Are all the terrorists having a change of heart? We can get overwhelmed. The only perspective that I have found that leaves my heart at peace is the Jesus Christ perspective. His perspective is all inclusive, alone or crowded, freed or enslaved, healthy or ill, wealthy or poor, addicted or clean, praised or persecuted, in joy and in sorrow. He is God. I am not. Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways acknowledge him and He will make straight my paths. Proverbs 3:5-6.

Here are a few verses from the Word that gives purpose for us, and perspective on our circumstances. Obviously not an exhaustive list of scriptures, but ones I turn to when I am combating a me-perspective, or feeling a little hopeless with an others-perspective:

For Me: Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:13-16, Proverbs 19:21, Ephesians 2:10, Micah 6:8, 2 Peter 1:3-8 Matthew 28:19-20

For Others: Romans 8:28, Philippians 4:19, Romans 5:3-5, Romans 8:18, John 3:16, Revelation 3:20

We get to choose our perspective, and it takes practice to change one. Philippians 4:8-9. I have an opportunity to remind people of Christ’s perspective of the purpose of our lives in some of their (my) darkest hours: illness, aloneness, depression, divorce, death, suicide. The game-changers. When things are swimming along lovely our “me” or “other” perspectives can serve us well. When things don’t swim along smoothly though…when cancer enters the picture, when a marriage falls apart, when finances are unstable, when you are home for Christmas and someone announces to the store where you are shopping that your biological clock is ticking (true story), when (enter whatever is out of your control here)….only Christ’s perspective on who you are, how you are loved, why you were created, and what eternity holds for us answers every question. Every doubt. Every fear. If we make the purpose of life anything that could be destroyed by…anything, then we should reevaluate our purpose and be set free from the anxiousness of trying to protect or perfect whatever that is. The Word of God gives us an eternal perspective, purpose and Hope. There lies pure joy, not contrived joy. Real peace, not inebriated or delusional peace. Christ changes us by the renewal of our minds. He makes us new. Everyday. If you spend anytime with me you will know that I don’t exhibit that in my life every moment. I can still be ungracious, unsettled, and unpeaceful in moments where I take back my me and other perspective. In moments where God’s sovereignty over my hormonal moods is less apparent. In moments where someone is driving 10mph under the speed limit in the left hand lane on the freeway. In moments where in witnessing arrogance and passive aggression in others I forget I have sin in my own life and am in need of mercy and forgiveness. In moments where I witness my loved ones suffer. Christ’s perspective doesn’t make us perfect, it sets us free from having to be perfect.

Be set free in 2012 through Christ’s perspective on the beauty and purpose for your life. (Too long for a bumper sticker?) He gives peace in all circumstances outside of our control…which includes all circumstances…except maybe my expired driver’s license and tag. I’m responsible for that. Some things we have been given charge or responsibility for. Moses had to go before the Pharaoh. David had to kill Goliath. Paul had to make tents. We still have to pay taxes. And I can still get a ticket for an expired license and tag no matter how close my relationship with Jesus. 
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